Research _{Read Friendship}

^FRIENDSHIPWEB^s BETWEEN MY PRACTICE^S: crafting webs^s~systems^s~structure^s

I'm still struggling to put this writing together,,,  

 

This writing, it starts, middles and finishes with a lot of insecurity,

 

This is an experiment to feel secure within my insecurity, Yes, I feel insecure;   

This writing, comes with an acknowledgement that indeed you cannot separate your research from who you are,  

Okay,

This writing has a collection of some new  

This writing will not make sense to me, perhaps it will to you

          My master thesis will guide you through the emotional landscape I encounter when having to deliver research. It’s, with permission, a failed* try to organize the chaos in my mind and in my~our space and our practices and our~my experiments.

But, with permission, is slowly*, with permission, turning into enjoying* the chaos  

          My master's is searching for life affirming infrastructuresBerlant, Lauren. 2016. “The Commons: Infrastructures for Troubling Times*.” Environment and Planning. D, Society and Space/Environment and Planning. D, Society & Space 34 (3): 393–419. https://doi.org/10.1177/0263775816645989. for doing research and being in Love with~through networks~root systems~care websPiepzna-Samarasinha, Leah Lakshmi. 2018. Care Work: Dreaming Disability Justice. Edited by Lisa Factora-Borchers. Arsenal Pulp Press. https://thatmightberight.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/reading-III.pdf. ~friendships~permissions~reminders~(nervous)systems~pleasure~tolerance~bubbles~and~giggles that acknowledge and empower me~us with~through confusion~indecisiveness~insecurity ~discomfort,,,

Okay, this writing is for my body mindTerm used in disability studies , i found it here https://catalystjournal.org/index.php/catalyst/article/view/37643/28637 , for my future, for my lifetime, for my wellbeing and for the wellbeing of my~our~your bubble, the livability on my~your web using some tools of polyamorous de~anti colonial teaching.

          A “master thesis” may be delivered at a deadline (can we demilitarize the academic language? ), but the research will not be done yet, or ever. This is why this Writing will be published in Wiki-to-Pdf,

          a tool imagined to produce “paginated, elastic, malleable and re-editable publications for printing and on-line reading”,  

          so I can keep the possibility of writing and editing as I (un)learn,  

          while making it available for my friends to join and  

          while saving pdf as I go - to archive what it has been.  

I have this feeling it just started, but when I look back It has had many starts.  

Because -I'm in the privileged position- of saying why would I ever want to do business with someone who is not (my) friend.

          I guess every time I find a new tool, I feel prepared. I think I’m confusing “starting” with feeling prepared, or confident. And I have cried and questioned my way through this masters program. Never knowing what I was after.  Am I finding a way a city girl (me) could become a farmer girl (maybe me)? Am I researching for a master's or am I having an existential question? How can I plan my pension? Have you giggled today? Are you feeling bubbly? How do I plan my retirement? Some questions I had during and worked with during the Masters Programm   And even through moments of frustration, I think how wonderful it is to be doing research in this academic bubble. How grateful I am to have been able to rehearse it in this place where my emotions are welcome, naps are welcome, questions are welcome, dramatization is welcome, exploration is welcome. Where there is a collection of soft and warm people holding a space together for me~us to live this out.

 

          I'm thankful for the manes at Pedreira who have introduced me to anchors where I could knot a frame for my web~practice. They knotted auxiliary threads with me and gave me confidence to spiral a safety hub.

          Anchoring to friends~comrades~mentors, texts~sounds, memes, walks, swims, GIGGLES,,, creates a stable web to move and find nurture on.  

          Some of these references I’m able to mention, others I seem to have lost the thread, either way I’d like to acknowledge our interconnected webs of (un)learning.  

          And take a moment to acknowledge all those who have and still worked on (embodied) knowledges that have been lessened, exploited, misunderstood, mocked, unpaid, unloved, surveilled, criminalized, silenced, never let into the academic space, marginalized, minoritized, racialized, incarcerated, killed

          through lack of access to body~mind~planetary~climate health, education, transport, housing, wages, opportunity,  

          for their (embodied) knowledges through gender, race, ethnicity, language, nationality, class, sexuality, (dis)ability, health.  

          I'm writing this on a mac computer owned by the school. The structures that maintain Switzerland, the country I'm writing this in, onto such privilege are the same that keep the global south exploited. All while Switzerland together with the rest of Europe, is closing their borders more and more, and people trying to leave these exploitative conditions looking for safer spaces are left to die outside these borders.

          This writing is being written, while the world is weeping, the hearts, bodies, (agri)cultures, climates, there are multiple Genocides and ecocides being done and some of them being even live streamed: Sudan, Congo, Haiti, Myanmar and Palestine, and others we might not be aware of.  The carpet bombing of Gaza and its children has been going on for the seventh eighth ninth consecutive month, and still there is an ongoing narrative, that justifies Israels crimes, atrocities. A similar narrative to the one I grew up hearing sitting on my kitchen table and in the classrooms, a narrative that justified the crimes committed by the Portuguese in and between Africa and South America. Crimes and atrocities as old as 500 years, that have not yet been accounted for.

We have been Protesting

Since the start of the latest, most extreme genocidal bombing campaign.

          In shock with how the world can go on while witnessing a live streamed genocide, students and workers all over the World have organized University mass protests, demands, occupations, encampments. These manifestations of solidarity show the students and staff's dedication to education through, with and beyond the academy.  

          Unfortunately, some universities leaderships~administrations (example uni basel) , seem to be unable to recognize this. Instead of respecting their students~clients~workers~researchers~brains~hearts~souls giving them the access to the education they demand and desire and doing their best to divest from the military-industrial complex, these “leaderships” decide to call the police. The police shows up to peaceful protestors fully geared up, their bodies are protected, anonymized, they have vans, dogs, they are armed with rubber bullets, batons, tear gas, water canons, they have the right to intimidate, to be violent, to hurt, to damage, to arrest and to take in data from the protestors.  

          This leaves me feeling extremely disgusted.  

Research is in Solidarity

Research is preparing snack and drinks

Research is vulnerable

Research is support

Research is becoming

Research is reactive

Research is collecting

“Research as a place to process emotions” Khazriz, Jessika. Heard at the Workshop Cartography of Darkness held at the CML. Basel, April 24 See https://dark.society.systems/

Research is accessing

Research is strategies

Research is emergent

Research is concurrent

Research is RehearsingIn conversation with friend~researcher~artist~architect~colleague~mentor Gabriela Aquije.

Research is juicy, thrilling, abundant,  

Research is sensemaking

Sensemaking is noticing  

Research is ~_connecting

Research is instructions

Research is waking up in the middle of the night

Research is following resonance

Research is feeling connected

Research is commitment

Research is holding Space for me

Research is Dramatic Butler, Octavia. From her Notebook. https://huntingtonlibrary.tumblr.com/post/139934364671/science-fiction-writer-octavia-butler-died-10

Research is Suspenseful

Research changed my handwriting

Research submits

Research shares

Research is as a careful slug Britton, Ren Loren; Pritchard, Helen V. For Careful Slugs: Caring for Unknowing in CS (Computer Science). Catalyst: Feminism, Theory, Technoscience. Published: Nov 7, 2022. https://catalystjournal.org/index.php/catalyst/article/view/37723#:~:text=Ren%20Loren%20Britton,Helen%20V.%20Pritchard

 

Research is resourcing

Research is needs  

Research is pleasures  

Research is poly

Research is with permission

Research is (self-)compassion

Research is contemplative and contemplates

Research is explorative and explores

Research is multiplying and multiplies

Research is questioning  

 

 

Research is in tides,  

          Maybe, I keep some things, to myself, secrets, because they are a bit embarrassing and cringe and because they are important to me, because they are mine, a part of me and my vulnerabilities, I don’t want to show them to the world in a round and polished way, because to round and polish them, is to take away its depths and flattenIn conversation with mentor~researcher~artist~writer~~~ Helen V. Pritchard. them.

There are things I am too embarrassed to show

Until I feel comfortable enough to let it out

My friends give me reassurance,

My friends are my success,

My friends are my safety,

The moments when friends share ideas are precious,

The things I work on start making sense when I share it with friends.

Friends see and bring to reality so much that I didn't notice,

Friends share with me their imaginaries,  

When I'm feeling down and uncertain,  

I hate writing

I love making

I’m scared of writing

For my masters I will have to write

I’m a slow reader

I love making

Let me procrastinate by making writing

I love making

I love writing

writing through and adapting the writing to different materials and technologies, leading to a change in my practice~caligraphy.  

Letters~Fonts~Encrypted Expression

           The Pixo is a type of tagging evolved in the Periphery of Sao Paulo,

           I was introduced to it by a partner.

The letters are inspired by anglo-saxon runes alphabet aka Futhorc that came to Brasil through punk and heavy metal culture.

           I got to know a little bit more about it through the documentaryOliveira, Roberto T.; Wainer, João. PIXO. São Paulo, 2010.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=skGyFowTzew&t=581s by João Wainer and Roberto T. Oliveira from 2010.  

           Pixo, is a way for marginalised people to express themselves.  

          Someone unnamed in the documentary shares with us he never learned how to read in school. Growing up on the Street he only learned to read Pixo.

 

          Suddenly, I started to see these pixo~letters~messages~negotiation~networks, due to increasing immigration, popping up in my routes in Europe, trying to decode them, acknowledging that impossibility.

A journey,

Intelligence~Symbols~Reminders

          Lost on Instagram reels,  

          I found a precious video Songbe,Pérès. Tecnologia Ancestral Africana em Arquitecturas no Brasil. 6-11-2022.https://www.tiktok.com/@peres.songbe/video/7162706376223902982 by the researcher~architect Peres Songbe, titled Tecnologias Ancestrais Africanas. Songbe is a Master on African influences on Brazilian Architecture. Through his video and research he introduced me and others to Adinkra, an ancestral African alphabet from Ghana that express african stories, philosophies codes of conduct, social norms, traditional values, proverbs e muito mais. These symbols serve as knowledge transfers crafted on fabrics, ceramics, metal gates e muito mais. Sankofa is one of these symbols~words~intelligence~philosophy~wisdom. It reminds its readers to learn and evolve by looking back. Growing up in Portugal, I have seen it all over my routes in Europe, especially on metal gates, ignorant to its powers.  

          Now it reminds me of whose hands~intelligence~knowledge~technology has shaped Brazil, Portugal, Europe; how knowledge is passed through stories, materials, objects,; and how necessary to keep reminding ourselves of what we think we already know.

          Silently~unacknowledged the gates shaped my routes: acknowledged ~ they make me stop, read, remember and share it with who I'm routing with.

Wisdom 2 be reminded;

          Words~permissions~reminders

          accompany my thesis~insecurity.  

Finding your confidence,

Morning equips me~reader with tools to regulate~sooth the body~nervous system, alone and in (non)human company: centering the body to support the mind. Tools to use as auxiliary threads to strengthen the security on my~our~your web.

Starting by giving ourselves permission for (un)learning

Irene Morning, gave permission;

          Robin Wall Kimmerer teaches how to ask for Permission them using the lessons from The Honorable HarvestKimmerer, Robin Wall. Braiding Sweetgrass: Indigenous Wisdom, Scientific Knowledge and the Teachings of Plants. Canada: Milkweed editions, 2013.  ;

          Helen gave me the confidence to extend the permissions for my artistic~practice~research;

I read the book in the school's ceramic studio, while underlining, re-writing parts into a word document and, when overwhelmed or tired of reading, I would start coiling, materializing the books permissions into clay.

The touch of Clay bringing me back to my senses.  

          My hands.  

          Material: Stoneware

The words in the book stirr me up, why is it so hard to trust myself?  

Why do I need permission?

Method: rolling, coiling, looping, feeling letters,  

          Focusing on my Body communicating~feeling~getting to know a material~technique~sequence calms me down~

Looping;

          “(...) explor(ing) the loop as a process of revolutionary creation through the accumulation of repeated circuits, fosters the potential of the individual and collective energetic encounter as a possibility to achieve political questioning, altered states of consciousness and new queer immateriality(ies)”. Artistic Practices and methodologies by friend~researcher~artist~ceramicist~looper Rebeca Letras. Queted from their Site: https://rebecaletras.online/Bio.

A certain repetition makes my nervous system feel safe, inside my web of tolerance Morning, Irene. The Polyamory Paradox. Morning uses the term "Window of Tolerance" and I adapted it to "Web of Tolerace" to add the idea that you need to work on it, and that it anchors to many different points and that it can rip and make you feel insecure, and you can mend it and feel more secure. ,  

          able to take in the information with empathy~curiosity~compassion,  

                    surrendering to a new interpretation of our frustration~stress~threat,

Through unlearning, with the help of friends, mentors and memes,  I feel like my tolerance for being uncertain has gotten better, I even felt confident enough to make it into a master thesis.  

This research_{read friendships} is having to remind yourself constantly, of permissions, of reassurance, because as soon as the stress kicks in, I seem to forget.

Acknowledging how the body~nervous system~organs, react to when it's losing its sense of security.

Acknowledging how the web of tolerance can shift our sense of security:

          Depending on our ability to metabolize stress and the stress~pressure levels we are dealing with; our coping mechanism; the resources we have to digest the signals from the body; our sense of connection at that moment; how life experiences have conditioned us; how much we rested and how much we hydrated and nurtured ourselves; how our body is functioning nervous system~heart rate~digestive system Morning, Irene. The Polyamory Paradox: Finding your confidence in Consensual Non-Monogamy. Washington, DC, USA: Difference Press, 2022.

I~we will feel more or less capable~confident~secure~tolerant ~open

How to build~strengthen your web:

         Throw your Hilo,

study the vibration coming back, is this anchor you have thrown secure enough?Ticio Escobar , Suely Rolnik , Roberto Amigo, "Aura latente" conversado entre amigxs. Tinta Limón Ediciones. 6 de Mayo de 2021 https://tintalimon.com.ar/post/presentaci%C3%B3n-de-aura-latente/#contacto

          Your anchor points is your internal world ~ your (non) human friends ~ the spaces you love to inhabit, to join these point you can use anchor

threads~relationships~connections~routes;

          Use your anchors and knot frames~collectives~practices~systems

In the middle of your web, find a stable middle and spiral~knot a safety hub~a center for resting and feeling secure.  

          From there use your auxiliary threads~permissions~reassurances~reminders and spiral~knot your web for secure movement and nurture.  

The web is for you and who you want to share it with,  

          find a route to be present together,  

          share your resourcesCarlos Pérez Cortés, Juan. 2022. Relationship Anarchy: Occupy Intimacy! https://theanarchistlibrary.org/library/juan-carlo-perez-cortez-relationship-anarchy.. ,  

          join on the web to find ways to write~make together, experiment with materials~typographies~codes~encryptions,

          Research together,

          Nap together,

          Rehearse accessibility and tolerance together,

          Organize to protest together,

          make~wear your protest banners together~apart;

 

INSTRUCTIONS for making mini Protest Banners

Material List:

• Fabric Scraps: I use preloved Denim
• Acrylic Paint: I like White on Denim- good contrast is recommended for better readability ~ experimenting with different contrasts and therefore different levels of encryption could also be of interest
• Paint Brush: size and hard~softness depends of what you want to work on, do some tryouts! Get to know your brush and let the brush get to know you.
• remind yourself of gathered words, acronyms, chants, symbols you feel connected to

Prepare Space and Time:

• Find a comfy space, where you can spread your fabric scarps
• make yourself a hydrating beverage
• Prepare a glass with water where you can leave your brush to not dry when taking breaks
• Set yourself a reminder to drink and to take that break

Paint:

• Maybe you feel more comfortable starting with writing with the pencil  
• Take your brush and paint and start ~~~~ take as long as you need ~ until satisfied or tired
• For extra durability, lay a piece of baking paper on your dry paint and go over it with a hot iron

Surprise Effect: Protest Banner Roll Down

• Get a binder clip and attach the top of the banner to it using glue/ safety pin/ ...
• Roll the banner up and clip it secure
• When the time is right just open the clip and let it roll down  

Okay, to get lost

Okay, is finding a way back

We get lost and percipitated _{a cause typically one that is undesirable:}

_{to happen suddenly, unexpectedly, or prematurely}

We get lost and trust to find our way back.

So what's my research question?

Again

How the research I've been doing

On being with, attempting to make, reading about: Spiderwebs  

Has informed me on Friendships~Love

Has made me want to web a (security) net  

A net that is knotted on various humans, non-human, quotes, permissions, techniques, landscapes, tools,  

Various ones,  

And then i imagine that if there is a string that for whatever reason, breaks

There are a few more that will hold the net in place

It might sway a bit harder when there is a wind coming through

And in the middle of things this is what Polyamory is also about

It acknowledges that we are social beings, made of attachments and attachments are beautiful

And it acknowledges our window of tolerance and our survival strategies

And Jessica Fern and Irene Morning and on IG @decolonizing.loveMillie and Nick https://www.instagram.com/decolonizing.love/?hl=en and so many more have been tooling us up with how to deal with these intense feelings

And these tools are so valuable

Not just for polyamorous people

Also for people who love, who work together, who do research, who are living on a damaged planet

Tools to regulate the nervous system,

For people who feel the need to regulate their nervous system,

For people with a nervous system

And then I feel ridiculous because, I swear, if i had learned that in kindergarten, wow,

And I feel like I could! I feel like it would have made so much sense to me

And now here I am feeling the need to make a masters out of it

This masters programm has expanded my view on Research and Love and I would love to keep navigating, integrating, processing, embodying,  

finding joy, pleasure, connection and transformation.

Back to the tools

They are here for us to use

But we forget them in times of need

Thats why we need reminders and taking breaks

Also this Masters

Has been so much about unlearning all these design methods cause in their quest to repair and resolve they do applauded damage  

So I don't strive for fruitful work

I strive for Rootful work

Now having these tools

I feel like i can go out of academia, and i feel a little bit better equipped to work with my friends

Because working with friends is so beautiful and can bring such sweet fruits

But I've also experienced some rotten fruits, broken connections, a lot of distrust so sad

I ask myself how we want to work together

When we get annoyed by each other

And i tell you  

Go have a nap  

Our togetherness is equal to our separateness*** where did i see this?

“Freedom is not a secret.It’s a practice.” Alexis Pauline Gumbs