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== '''Research <sub>Read Friendship</sub>''' ~ '''Permission 2 Scatter'''   ==
== '''Research <sub>Read Friendship</sub>''' ==
'''<sup>FRIENDSHIP</sup>WEB<sup>s</sup> BETWEEN MY PRACTICE<sup>S</sup>: crafting webs<sup>s</sup>~reminder<sup>s~</sup>permission<sup>s</sup>'''
'''<sup>FRIENDSHIP</sup>WEB<sup>s</sup> BETWEEN MY PRACTICE<sup>S</sup>: crafting webs<sup>s</sup>~systems<sup>s~</sup>structure<sup>s</sup>'''
 


[[File:Bulle_Gif_Rose.gif|frameless]]


<div style="text-align:right;">'''Materialized ''heavy'' processing'''  
<div style="text-align:right;">'''Materialized ''heavy'' processing'''  
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<sup>knowing when I “see” it and not when I read it</sup> COILED/ WEBd WRITINGS <sub>to unlearn perfect writing, or to write for writing</sub> <sup>not for reading</sup>  
<sup>knowing when I “see” it and not when I read it</sup> COILED/ WEBd WRITINGS <sub>to unlearn perfect writing, or to write for writing</sub> <sup>not for reading</sup>  


BUBBLES AND GIGGLES <sub>to keep giggling; protected</sub>  
[[File:Bulle_Gif_Rose.gif|frameless]]  BUBBLES AND GIGGLES <sub>to keep giggling; protected</sub>  


OKAY <sub>to find my way back</sub> </div>
OKAY <sub>to find my way back</sub> </div>'''<big>I'm still struggling to put this writing together,,,</big>'''<div style="text-align:center;">'''MAYBE'''  
 
'''Scattered is how it will make sense to me'''
===  I`m still struggling to put this writing together,,, ===
</div>  
<div style="text-align:center;">'''MAYBE'''  
'''Scattered is how it will make sense to me'''</div>  
<div style="text-align:right;">'''But there are deliverables and deadlines''' </div> 
<div style="text-align:right;">'''But there are deliverables and deadlines''' </div> 


<div style="text-align:center;">'''So I'll have to manage a way to scatter together in this document.''' </div>
<div style="text-align:center;">'''So I'll have to manage a way to scatter together in this document.''' </div>


<div style="text-align:right;">'''Why do i get angry lol.''' </div>  
<div style="text-align:right;">
==== '''Why do i get angry lol.''' ====
</div>  
 
 
 
<p>This writing, it starts, middles and finishes with a lot of insecurity,
 
<div style="text-align:right;">“I don't know enough”
 
“It’s not good enough for a masters”
 
“what kind of knowledge am I unfolding (trying) here even” </div> 
 
<div style="text-align:right;">Sabine smiles: ''“Du hast kein recht dich selber zu kritisieren”'' </div></p>This is an experiment to feel secure within my insecurity,  Yes, I feel insecure;  <div style="text-align:center;">Invitation to openly feel unsure, insecure, not confident.
Invitation to find confidence in confusion.
</div> 
 
<div style="text-align:right;">Maybe a lot of harm has been done by feeling too confident. </div> </p>
 
 
<p>This writing, comes with an acknowledgement that indeed you cannot separate your research from who you are,  
 
<div style="text-align:right;">
===== and why does this make me cry? =====
</div> </p>
 
 
<p>Okay, <p>This writing has a collection of some new  
 
<div style="text-align:center;">vocabulary
 
word constellation
 
strategies  
 
methodologies  </div>
 
<div style="text-align:right;">I've learned~still trying to learn.
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Permission 2 take my thyme*  </div>
 
This writing will not make sense to me, perhaps it will to you
 
<div style="text-align:center;">I'll be confused, before, during and after </div>
 
<div style="text-align:right;">With the exception of some moments of clarity,  


(they are overrated)
that are enjoyed but don’t last too long. </div> </p>
<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;My master thesis will guide you through the emotional landscape I encounter when having to deliver research. It’s, with permission, a failed* try to organize the chaos in my mind and in my~our space and our practices and our~my experiments. <p>But, with permission, is slowly*, with permission, turning into enjoying* the chaos  
<div style="text-align:right;">(why am I crying?again?), releasing the expectations that everything needs to make sense,  
needs to fit somewhere, be concentrated, be coherent.
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Permission 2 Fail*
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Permission to enjoy the chaos*
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Permission to acknowledge and release expectations*
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Permission to stay in the Process* [[File:Permission to fail in love.png|alt=Screen Print of encryption I made using FreeHand reading Permission to fail/fall in love|thumb]]
</div> </p>
<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;My master's is searching for ''life affirming infrastructures''<ref>Berlant, Lauren. 2016. “The Commons: Infrastructures for Troubling Times*.” ''Environment and Planning. D, Society and Space/Environment and Planning. D, Society & Space'' 34 (3): 393–419. <nowiki>https://doi.org/10.1177/0263775816645989</nowiki>.</ref> for doing research and being in Love with~through networks~root systems~care webs<ref>Piepzna-Samarasinha, Leah Lakshmi. 2018. ''Care Work: Dreaming Disability Justice''. Edited by Lisa Factora-Borchers. Arsenal Pulp Press. <nowiki>https://thatmightberight.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/reading-III.pdf</nowiki>.</ref>~friendships~permissions~reminders~(nervous)systems~pleasure~tolerance~bubbles~and~giggles
that acknowledge and empower me~us with~through confusion~indecisiveness~insecurity ~discomfort,,, </p>
Okay, this writing is for my body mind<ref>Term used in disability studies , i found it here  https://catalystjournal.org/index.php/catalyst/article/view/37643/28637</ref>, for my future, for my lifetime, for my wellbeing and for the wellbeing of my~our~your bubble, the livability on my~your web using some tools of polyamorous de~anti colonial teaching.
   
   


==== The Web I move on <sub>context~acknowledgements</sub> ====
This research has been made with friends, comrades, colleagues, mentors, through intimate conversations, academic talks, books, texts, poems, music, films, memes, walks, swims, infinite exchanges between (non)humans and (non)humans. Some I’m able to mention in the references, others I seem to have lost the thread, either way I’d like to acknowledge our interconnected webs of (un)learning.  


Most of the knowledges I have assimilated during this masters programm and where I, a priviledged white european cis gendered woman, can build my practice on, come from those who have resisted and never been acknowledged for their knowledge: lessend, missunderstood, mocked, unpaid, surveiled, ciminalized, silenced, never let into the academic space, marginalized, minoritised and racilialised incarcerated, killed for their their (embodied) knowledges; gender, race, ethnicity, language, nationality, class, sexuality,(dis)ability, health. Lack of access to bodymind health, education, transport, housing, wages, opportunity global warming unloved


Accessing~empowering~webs~(infra)structes~the same that been complicit in these decommonings (?), privatizes, genocided,  
<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;A “master thesis” may be delivered at a deadline (can we demilitarize the academic language? ), but the research will not be done yet, or ever. This is why this Writing will be published in [[Wiki-to-pdf|Wiki-to-Pdf]], </p>
 
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;a tool imagined to produce “paginated, elastic, malleable and re-editable publications for printing and on-line reading”,  </p>
 
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;so I can keep the possibility of writing and editing as I (un)learn,  
 
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;while making it available for my friends to join and  


&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;while saving pdf as I go - to archive what it has been.  </p>


This writing is being written, while the world is weeping, the hearts, bodies, (agri)cultures, climates,  there are multiple Genocides and ecocides being done and some of them being even live streamed: Sudan, Congo, Haiti, Myanmar and Palestine, and others we might not be aware of.  The carpet bombing of Gaza and its children has been going on for the <s>seventh</s> eighth consecutive month, and still there is an ongoing narrative, that justifies Israels crimes, atrocities. A similar narrative to the one I grew up hearing sitting on my kitchen table and in the classrooms, a narrative that justified the crimes committed by the Portuguese in and between Africa and South America. Crimes and atrocities as old as 500 years, that have not yet been (properly) accounted for.  


<p> I have this feeling it just started, but when I look back It has had many starts.  <p>


We have been Protesting Since the start of the genocide.
<p> <div style="text-align:right;">Somewhere it also started with wanting to work with friends


<div style="text-align:right;"> Free, Free Palestine,  
Which brings so much joy, excitement, and a feeling of doing valuable work


Free Free Gaza,  
But I've also experienced/seen it turn into sadness, anger, resentment  


Viva Viva Palestina! </div>
And questioning the saying “''Amigos Amigos, negócios à parte''”<ref>Portuguese saying meaning something like: "friends [are] friends and business is seperate"</ref> </div> </p>




In shock with how the world can go on while witnessing a live streamed genocide, students and workers all over the World have organized University mass protests, demands, occupations, encampments. These manifestations of solidarity show the students and staffs dedication to education through, with and beyond the academy.  
<p> <div style="text-align:center;">Having to write this thesis (alone),


<div style="text-align:right;">From Basel to Gaza, Student Intifada! </div>
====== makes me miss my friends. ======
</div></p>




Unfortunately, some universities leaderships/administrations (example uni basel) , seem to be unable to recognize this. Instead of respecting their students/clients/workers/researchers/brains~hearts~souls giving them the access to the education they demand and desire and doing their best to divest from the military-industrial complex, these “leaderships” decide to call the police. The police shows up to peaceful protestors fully geared up, their bodies are protected, anonymized, they have vans, dogs, they are armed with rubber bullets, batons, tear gas, water canons, they have the right to intimidate, to be violent, to hurt, to damage, to arrest and to take in data from the protestors.  
<p> Because -I'm in the privileged position- of saying why would I ever want to do business with someone who is not (my) friend. </p>


This leaves me feeling extremely disgusted.  


While the commodification of education and the spectre of the corporate university (private and public) haunts, and has indeed materialised in many locations, many campuses remain sites of struggle, whether erupting, dormant or under the radar. Over 50 years have passed since the 1968 wave of rebellion reverberated around the world against authoritarian rule, war and colonialism when students, often alongside workers, organised mass protests, sending shockwaves of alarm among political, economic and military elites (Dubinsky, Krull, Lord, Mills & Rutherford, 2009; de García, 2005; Pensado, 2015; Vrana, 2017 )<ref>Choudry, Aziz, and Salim Vally, eds. ''The university and social justice: Struggles across the globe''. Between the Lines, 2020.</ref>
<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;I guess every time I find a new tool, I feel prepared. I think I’m confusing “starting” with feeling prepared, or confident. And I have cried and questioned my way through this masters program. Never knowing what I was after.  ''Am I finding a way a city girl (me) could become a farmer girl (maybe me)? Am I researching for a master's or am I having an existential question? How can I plan my pension? Have you giggled today? Are you feeling bubbly? How do I plan my retirement?'' <ref>Some questions I had during and worked with during the Masters Programm</ref>  And even through moments of frustration, I think how wonderful it is to be doing research in ''this'' academic bubble. How grateful I am to have been able to rehearse it in this place where my emotions are welcome, naps are welcome, questions are welcome, dramatization is welcome, exploration is welcome. Where there is a collection of soft and warm people holding a space together for me~us to live this out.</p>  


<div style="text-align:center;">Redet uns den Scheiss nicht ein,  
<div style="text-align:right;">But what will happen once the bubble is burst?  </div>


Polizei das muss nicht sein!  
<div style="text-align:center;"><nowiki>*</nowiki>with Permission* </div>


Unsere Strassen unser Rhein,  


lass das kontrolieren sein!


<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;I'm thankful for the manes at Pedreira who have introduced me to anchors where I could knot a frame for my web~practice. They knotted auxiliary threads with me and gave me confidence to spiral a safety hub. </p>


<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Anchoring to friends~comrades~mentors, texts~sounds, memes, walks, swims, GIGGLES,,, creates a stable web to move and find nurture on.  </p>


From the River to the Sea,  
<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Some of these references I’m able to mention, others I seem to have lost the thread, either way I’d like to acknowledge our interconnected webs of (un)learning.  </p>


Palestine will be Free,  
<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;And take a moment to acknowledge all those who have and still worked on (embodied) knowledges that have been lessened, exploited, misunderstood, mocked, unpaid, unloved, surveilled, criminalized, silenced, never let into the academic space, marginalized, minoritized, racialized, incarcerated, killed </p><p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;through lack of access to body~mind~planetary~climate health, education, transport, housing, wages, opportunity,  </p>


From the Sea to the River,  
<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;for their (embodied) knowledges through gender, race, ethnicity, language, nationality, class, sexuality, (dis)ability, health.  </p>


Palestine will live forever!
<p></p>


<div style="text-align:center;">''One solution,''  <p>''World Revolution!''<ref>Chants learned and sung at the protest for a Free Palestine, against the genocide and stopping the War on Gaza. Basel, 2023&24.</ref></div>


One solution, World Revolution!  
<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;I'm writing this on a mac computer owned by the school. The structures that maintain Switzerland, the country I'm writing this in, onto such privilege are the same that keep the global south exploited. All while Switzerland together with the rest of Europe, is closing their borders more and more, and people trying to leave these exploitative conditions looking for safer spaces are left to die outside these borders. </p><p> </p>
<div style="text-align:center;"><p>''Brick by Brick,'' </p> ''Wall by Wall,''  <p>''make the Fortress Europe Fall!'' <ref>Chants learned and sung at the protest organized by the ''Sans Papier Kollektiv''. Protest against racism, police brutality and for the right to stay for people without papers. Basel, 2024.</ref></p><p></p> </div>


<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;This writing is being written, while the world is weeping, the hearts, bodies, (agri)cultures, climates, there are multiple Genocides and ecocides being done and some of them being even live streamed: Sudan, Congo, Haiti, Myanmar and Palestine, and others we might not be aware of.  The carpet bombing of Gaza and its children has been going on for the <s>seventh</s> <s>eighth</s> ninth consecutive month, and still there is an ongoing narrative, that justifies Israels crimes, atrocities. A similar narrative to the one I grew up hearing sitting on my kitchen table and in the classrooms, a narrative that justified the crimes committed by the Portuguese in and between Africa and South America. Crimes and atrocities as old as 500 years, that have not yet been accounted for.</p><p></p><div style="text-align:center;">''Hey Hey, Ho Ho,''  <p>''the occupation has got to go!'' <ref>Chants learned and sung at the protest for a Free Palestine, against the genocide and stopping the War on Gaza. Brussels, 2023.</ref> </p><p> </p><p> </p></div>


Hey Hey, Ho Ho, the occupation has got to go!
=== '''We have been Protesting''' ===


Since the start of the latest, most extreme genocidal bombing campaign.<p> </p>


1234,  
<div style="text-align:center;">''Free, Free Palestine,''<p>''Free Free Gaza,'' </p>


occupation no more,  
<p>''Viva Viva Palestina!'' <ref>Chants learned and sung at the protest for a Free Palestine, against the genocide and stopping the War on Gaza. Basel, 2023&24.</ref> <p> </div>


5678,  
<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;In shock with how the world can go on while witnessing a live streamed genocide, students and workers all over the World have organized University mass protests, demands, occupations, encampments. These manifestations of solidarity show the students and staff's dedication to education through, with and beyond the academy.  </p>


Israhell is a terrorist state,  
<p></p>


in our hundreds in our millions  
<div style="text-align:center;">''From Basel to Gaza, Student Intifada!'' <ref>Chants learned and sung at the Student Occupation at the University of Basel for a Free Palestine, against the genocide and the Universities/ Switzerlands complicity and stopping the War on Gaza. Basel, 2024.</ref><br /> </div><p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Unfortunately, some universities leaderships~administrations (example uni basel) , seem to be unable to recognize this. Instead of respecting their students~clients~workers~researchers~brains~hearts~souls giving them the access to the education they demand and desire and doing their best to divest from the military-industrial complex, these “leaderships” decide to call the police. The police shows up to peaceful protestors fully geared up, their bodies are protected, anonymized, they have vans, dogs, they are armed with rubber bullets, batons, tear gas, water canons, they have the right to intimidate, to be violent, to hurt, to damage, to arrest and to take in data from the protestors.  </p>


we are all palestinians
<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;This leaves me feeling extremely disgusted.  </p>


<div style="text-align:center;">[[File:Free Gaza to the Sea.jpg|alt=The Beach in Portugal, Cloudy December Sky, Big Surfable Waves, someone (me hihi) wrote in the Sand: "Free Gaza"|thumb]]''Redet uns den Scheiss nicht ein,''  


Nous sommes tous des enfants de Gaza!  
''Polizei das muss nicht sein!''  


''Unsere Strassen unser Rhein,''  


No boarder no nation, stop deportation. </div>
''lass das kontrolieren sein!'' <ref>Chants learned and sung at the protest organized by the ''Sans Papier Kollektiv''. Protest against racism, police brutality and for the right to stay for people without papers. Basel, 2024.</ref>
 
 
''From the River to the Sea,''
 
''Palestine will be Free,''  
 
''From the Sea to the River,''  
 
''Palestine will live forever!'' <ref> Chants learned and sung at the protest for a Free Palestine, against the genocide and stopping the War on Gaza. Basel, Bern, Zurich, Brussels, London 2023 &24.</ref>
 
 
 
''1,2,3,4''
 
''The occupation has got to go''
 
''5,6,7,8''
 
''Israhell is a terrorist state''
 
''In our hundreds''
 
''In our millions''
 
''We are all palestinians!'' <ref>Chants learned and sung at the protest for a Free Palestine, against the genocide and stopping the War on Gaza. London, 2023.</ref> </div></p>
 
<p>Research is in Solidarity </p>
 
<p><div style="text-align:center;">solidarity is values<p>solidarity is ''fractal'' <ref>Brown, Adrienne Maree. ''Emergence (speech from opening for allied media conference 2013).'' June 21, 2013. https://adriennemareebrown.net/2013/06/21/emergence-speech-from-opening-for-allied-media-conference-2013/</ref> </div></p>
 
<p><div style="text-align:right;">„(...)
''is what we practice on small scale affects''<p>
''what emerges in larger systems and structures“'' <ref>Sena, Nikita; Gennery, Naomi. World-building in a time of constant heartbreak. How Birmingham-basel organisation MAIA imagine routes to collective liberation. Shado Magazine. November 22, 2023.  https://shado-mag.com/do/world-building-in-a-time-of-constant-heartbreak/</ref> </p></div>
 
 
<div style="text-align:center;">
<big><sub>'''Everytime you see'''</sub>''' Research <sup>read friendship'''</big>
</div>


=== Research <sub>read friendship</sub> ===
Research is preparing snack and drinks  
Research is preparing snack and drinks  


Line 116: Line 234:
Research is support  
Research is support  


Research in becoming  
Research is becoming  


Research is reactive  
Research is reactive  
Line 122: Line 240:
Research is collecting  
Research is collecting  


''Research as a place to process emotions''”<sup>8</sup>  
==== ''“Research as a place to process emotions”'' <ref>Khazriz, Jessika. Heard at the Workshop ''Cartography of Darkness'' held at the CML. Basel, April 24 See https://dark.society.systems/</ref> ====
<div style="text-align:center;">
''“What feels Beautiful?''  <ref>Clark, John Lee. ''Against Access.'' McSWEENEY’S 64 THE AUDIO ISSUE. Last seen and printed on 15.03.24. https://audio.mcsweeneys.net/transcripts/against_access.html</ref> [[File:What feels beautiful.png|alt=Screenshot of The 3D printing Programm with the 3D Words|center|thumb]]</div>


<div style="text-align:center;">''“What feels Beautiful?”<sup>9</sup>'' </div>
<div style="text-align:right;">Research is ''protactile''
 
Research is navigating turbulent landscapes  
<div style="text-align:right;">Research is ''protactile<sup>10</sup>''
</div>
 
Research is navigating turbulent landscapes </div>


Research is accessing  
Research is accessing  
Line 134: Line 252:
Research is strategies  
Research is strategies  


Research is emergent<sup>11</sup>
Research is emergent


Research is concurrent<sup>12</sup>
Research is concurrent


Research is Rehearsing<sup>13</sup>  
Research is Rehearsing<ref>In conversation with friend~researcher~artist~architect~colleague~mentor Gabriela Aquije.</ref>  


Research is juicy, thrilling, abundant,  
Research is juicy, thrilling, abundant,  
Line 144: Line 262:
<div style="text-align:right;">Anxious </div>
<div style="text-align:right;">Anxious </div>


<div style="text-align:center;">Research is holding Complexities<sup>14</sup> </div>
<div style="text-align:center;">Research is holding Complexities  
</div>


Research is sensemaking  
Research is sensemaking


Sensemaking is noticing  
Sensemaking is noticing  




<div style="text-align:center;">Noticing  ''“is about giving a lot of attention to small [(inner)children],''  
<div style="text-align:center;"> Noticing 
''“is about giving a lot of attention to small [(inner)children],''  


''very ordinary things that hold a lot of potential.''  
''very ordinary things that hold a lot of potential.''  
Line 157: Line 277:
''And that can be instructive for recognizing a desire for how we might want to live or be together,''  
''And that can be instructive for recognizing a desire for how we might want to live or be together,''  


''That's not always allowable in the present”''<sup>15</sup>  
''That's not always allowable in the present”'' <ref>Morrison, Romi Ron; Britton, Loren. ''How Can You Spell Care with Only 1s and 0s?''  Catalyst: Feminism, theory, technoscience. Oct 26, 2021. https://catalystjournal.org/index.php/catalyst/article/view/37643
</ref>  


this is research </div>
this is research </div>




<div style="text-align:right;">''Nous sommes tous des enfants de Gaza!'' </div>
<div style="text-align:right;">''Nous sommes tous des enfants de Gaza!'' <ref>Chants learned and sung at the protest for a Free Palestine, against the genocide and stopping the War on Gaza. Basel, 2023&24.</ref></div>
 
 
Research is instructions
 
<div style="text-align:right;"> Research is revolution
 
Research is worldbuilding </div>


<div style="text-align:center;">Research has got speedbumps
Research is ~<sub>connecting</sub>  


Research is instructions


Research gives you goosebumps </div>
<div style="text-align:right;">Research is revolution
Research is world building
</div><div style="text-align:center;">Research has got speed bumps
Research gives you goosebumps
</div><div style="text-align:right;">
Research is triggering


<div style="text-align:right;">Research is triggering
Research is activating </div>
Research is activating </div>


Research is waking up in the middle of the night  
Research is waking up in the middle of the night


Research is following resonance  
Research is following resonance


Research is feeling connected  
Research is feeling connected


Research is commitment  
Research is commitment


Research is holding Space for me  
Research is holding Space for me<div style="text-align:right;">For you
''Research as [[Conversations|kinship]]''.
</div>


<div style="text-align:right;">For you  


Research as Kinship<sup>16</sup> </div>




Research is Dramatic<sup>17</sup>  
Research is Dramatic<ref>
Butler, Octavia. From her Notebook. https://huntingtonlibrary.tumblr.com/post/139934364671/science-fiction-writer-octavia-butler-died-10</ref>  


Research is Suspenseful<sup>18</sup>
Research is Suspenseful
[[File:Octavia Butler notes.jpg|left|thumb]]


Research changed my handwriting  
Research changed my handwriting  
Line 204: Line 325:
Research shares  
Research shares  


<div style="text-align:right;">Research is kleptocratic  
<div style="text-align:right;">Research is kleptocratic


Research is weapon  
Research is weapon  
Line 211: Line 332:




<div style="text-align:center;">Research is sick to my stomach </div>
<div style="text-align:center;">Research makes me sick to my stomach </div>




<div style="text-align:right;">Hoch die Internationale Solidarität!<sup>4</sup> </div>
<div style="text-align:right;">''Hoch die Internationale Solidarität!'' </div>






Research is as ''careful slug''<sup>19</sup>  
Research is as a ''careful slug'' <ref>Britton, Ren Loren; Pritchard, Helen V. ''For Careful Slugs: Caring for Unknowing in CS (Computer Science)''. Catalyst: Feminism, Theory, Technoscience. Published: Nov 7, 2022. https://catalystjournal.org/index.php/catalyst/article/view/37723#:~:text=Ren%20Loren%20Britton,Helen%20V.%20Pritchard</ref>


<div style="text-align:right;">Research is accountability </div> 
<div style="text-align:right;">Research is accountability </div> 
Line 230: Line 351:
Research is needs  
Research is needs  


<div style="text-align:right;">Research is desire<sup>20</sup>  </div>
<div style="text-align:right;">Research is desire<ref>Muñoz, José. ''Cruising Utopia: The Then and There of Queer Futurity.'' NYU Press. Copyright Date: 2009. https://www.jstor.org/stable/j.ctt9qg4nr</ref>  </div>
 
<div style="text-align:center;">Research is ''heavy processing with nips and naps'' <ref>Cohen, TL; Rault, Jas. Heard at the Lecture ''More than a Feeling: Heavy Processing Methods for Trans- Feminist and Queer Research.'' held at the CML. Basel, February 24. https://criticalmedialab.ch/more-than-a-feeling/</ref> ''“(…) (Heavy) process is product.''
''Process generates knowledge and it allows us to understand our own place within and beyond the research we are doing.''
 
''Process is a form of experimentation, it is a method, it is a way of learning, of gathering, and sharing information, of knowing.''
 
''(…) /processing/ as an orientation to the pleasure (sexual, emotional, political, intellectual)''
 
''of complex and sometimes incommensurate information.”''
 
''“(…)/+/ being transformed by that information.”'' <ref>Cowan, T.L.; Rault, Jas. ''Heavy Processing Part I — Lesbian Processing: Heavy Processing for Digital Materials (More Than A Feeling).'' Digital Research Ethics Collaboratory. Last seen on 17. June. 2024. https://www.drecollab.org/heavy-processing/</ref>  </div>


<div style="text-align:center;">Research is ''heavy processing with nips and naps''<sup>21</sup> </div>


<div style="text-align:right;">Research is in community  
<div style="text-align:right;">Research is in community  
 
Research needs Reminders  
Research needs Reminders </div>
</div>


Research is pleasures  
Research is pleasures  
Line 247: Line 378:


<div style="text-align:right;">Permission and love is embracing pleasure  
<div style="text-align:right;">Permission and love is embracing pleasure  
Research is ''Glimmering'' <ref>Morning, Irene. ''The Polyamory Paradox: Finding your confidence in Consensual Non-Monogamy.'' Washington, DC, USA: Difference Press, 2022.</ref>


Research is ''Glimmering''(MORNING)</div>  
and Research Glitters <ref>Cowan, T.L. ''"GLITTERfesto: An Open Call in Trinity Formation for a Revolutionary Movement of Activist Performance Based on the Premise That Social Justice is Fabulous".'' University of Toronto Press. Spring 2012. https://vimeo.com/39577164</ref></div><div style="text-align:center;"></div>
 
 
Research is Rootful
Research is Rhizomatic
 
 
<div style="text-align:center;">''“The rhizome is reducible neither to the One nor the multiple.''
 
''(...)''  
 
''It is composed not of units but of dimensions,''  
 
''or rather directions in motion.''  
 
''It has neither beginning nor end,''  
 
''but always a middle milieu from which it grows and which it overspills.''  
 
''(...)''  
 
''A rhizome has no beginning nor end; it is always in the middle, between things.''  
 
''Interbeing,''  
 
''(...)''”<sup>22</sup> </div>
 
 
Research is Radicant
 
<div style="text-align:center;">''“organism that grows its roots and adds new ones as it advances”<sup>23</sup>'' </div>


<div style="text-align:right;">Adapting, translating, negotiating </div>
<div style="text-align:right;">Adapting, translating, negotiating </div>
Line 291: Line 393:


<div style="text-align:center;">questioning is holding on tight  
<div style="text-align:center;">questioning is holding on tight  
 
questioning is letting go
questioning is letting go</div>  
</div>  


<div style="text-align:right;">questioning is paradox? </div>
<div style="text-align:right;">questioning is paradox? </div>
Line 310: Line 412:
''seeking a beginning or a foundation-''  
''seeking a beginning or a foundation-''  


''all imply a false conception of voyage and movement (...)”<sup>24</sup>'' </div>
''all imply a false conception of voyage and movement (...)”'' <ref>Cluitmas, Laurie (ed.). ''On the Necessity of Gardening: An ABC of Art, Botany and Cultivation.'' Netherlands: Valiz, 2021. p. 160.</ref> </div>




Line 319: Line 421:


<div style="text-align:right;">''Reminds me of Helens Refrain to hold on to:''  
<div style="text-align:right;">''Reminds me of Helens Refrain to hold on to:''  
 
'''''beginnings that happen in the middle of things'''”'' <ref>
'''''beginnings that happen in the middle of things'''”<sup>25</sup>'' </div>
Keeling, Kara. ''Queer Times, Black Futures.'' NYU Press. 2019. Quote from Prompts to Practice with in Infrastructural Interactions: Survival, Resistance and Radical Care, edited by Helen V Pritchard, and Femke Snelting. Brussels: The Institute for Technology In the Public Interest, 2022. <nowiki>http://titipi.org/pub/Infrastructural_Interactions.pdf</nowiki> </ref>[[File:Workshop wit Helen.png|alt=Quotes curated By Helen, Yellow A4 with Black letters, The quotes are written in 3 colums, the idea is to fold the paper in 3.|thumb]]
</div>




Line 331: Line 434:
between knowledge and ignorance,  
between knowledge and ignorance,  


between tension and relief.  
between tension and relief.
 
</div>
<div style="text-align:right;">
Research, I'm still finding out
 
Research, I find out as I go </div>
 
 
 
<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Maybe, I keep some things, to myself, secrets, because they are a bit embarrassing and cringe and because they are important to me, because they are mine, a part of me and my vulnerabilities, I don’t want to show them to the world in a round and polished way, because to round and polish them, is to take away its depths and ''flatten''<ref><nowiki>In conversation with mentor~researcher~artist~writer~~~ Helen V. Pritchard.</nowiki></ref> them. </p>
 
 
 
There are things I am too embarrassed to show<p>Until I feel comfortable enough to let it out </p>
<div style="text-align:center;">[[File:Take Breaks Web.png|alt=A Screenshot from the 3D scan of a Ceramic piece I coiled. A web with encrypted text.|thumb]]<p>Look what I made, </p> 
<p>There is something I’ve written, </p>
<p>Look there is a T and an A and a K and an E  </p>
<p>and a B and a R and there is an E and another A, a K and the S.   </p>
<p>It's a reminder for myself,  </p>
<p>I feel embarrassed that I feel disconnectedness towards the needs of by body and need a  </p>
<p>reminder, </p> </div>
 
<div style="text-align:right;">''I know what you mean,''  
 
''I don’t think it’s ridiculous at all.''
 
''I would also need a reminder.'' </div>
 
My friends give me reassurance,
 
My friends are my success,
 
My friends are my safety,
 
<div style="text-align:right;">My friends hold me accountable, </div>
 
 
 
The moments when friends share ideas are precious,
 
The things I work on start making sense when I share it with friends.
 
Friends see and bring to reality so much that I didn't notice,
 
Friends share with me their imaginaries,  
 
<div style="text-align:right;">Enriching mine. </div>
 
<div style="text-align:center;">
I wouldn't be here without my friends.
</div>
 
=====  When I'm feeling down and uncertain,   =====
<div style="text-align:right;">Friends empower me, soothe me and bring me back to a stabler reality. </div>
 
 
 
I hate writing
 
<div style="text-align:right;">My writing was never praised at school </div>
 
I love making
 
<div style="text-align:right;">''Nani has such gifted hands'' </div>
 
I’m scared of writing
 
<div style="text-align:right;">What if its not good enough?
 
 
What if no one understands what i want to express? </div>
 
For my masters I will have to write
 
<div style="text-align:right;">I have ''thyme''</div>
 
I’m a slow reader
 
<div style="text-align:right;">And I get stuck to the 60 second videos on my phone </div>
 
I love making
 
Let me procrastinate by making writing
 
<div style="text-align:center;">I make words with the materials I love touching </div>
 
<div style="text-align:right;">The act of writing is like the act of making
 
 
Helen gave me permission to write in a way I feel good doing it </div>
 
I love making
 
I love writing
 
<div style="text-align:right;">I feel so good after writing </div>
 
<div style="text-align:center;">And my friends seem to understand it
 
and to enjoy it
 
'''Reassurances'''
</div><div style="text-align:right;">
'''Insecurities'''
 
Related to what teachers thought of my writings  
 
Because I knew I was bound to deliver a thesis made up of words  
 
Making writing: a way to start writing while procrastinating on drafting a thesis.  
 
<small>I had been (re)activated to work with letters and fonts and words, experimenting</small>
</div>
writing through and adapting the writing to different materials and technologies, leading to a change in my practice~caligraphy.  
 
 
Letters~Fonts~Encrypted Expression
<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;
The ''Pixo'' is a type of tagging evolved in the Periphery of Sao Paulo,</p> <p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;
I was introduced to it by a partner. </p>
 
The letters are inspired by anglo-saxon runes alphabet aka ''Futhorc'' that came to Brasil through punk and heavy metal culture.
[[File:Pixo Documentary Snapshot.png|alt=Its a screenshot from the Youtube page of the documentary. There Is a young cic-man, wearing a blue cap with white Pixo letters on it. He is wearing a black shirt and a yellow Top on top. He stand in front of a painted brick wall. At the top you can see the bare, orange bricks and underneath you can read parts of a text in (what he calls) "straight letters" (not pico) "...um novo, um novo chegou" . There is an over lap of subtitles. in portuguese it says: "Eu passei oiro anos na escola, oitava serie" over it in english it says: "but those letters I dont understand, y'know. I just reas "pixo".|thumb]]
<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;
I got to know a little bit more about it through the documentary<ref>Oliveira, Roberto T.; Wainer, João. ''PIXO''. São Paulo, 2010.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=skGyFowTzew&t=581s</ref> by João Wainer and Roberto T. Oliveira from 2010.  </p>
 
<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;
''Pixo'', is a way for marginalised people to express themselves.  </p>
 
<div style="text-align:right;">Its predominantly cis-male dominated.</div>
 
<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Someone unnamed in the documentary shares with us he never learned how to read in school. Growing up on the Street he only learned to read ''Pixo''.</p>  
 
 
<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Suddenly, I started to see these ''pixo''~letters~messages~negotiation~networks, due to increasing immigration, popping up in my routes in Europe, trying to decode them, acknowledging that impossibility. </p>
 
===  A journey, ===
<div style="text-align:center;">[[File:Encrypted ceramic spidernet.jpg|alt=An encrypted ceramic spidernet drying on a towel, waiting to be burnt.|thumb|200x200px]][[File:Secret knittted writing.jpg|alt=A knitted piece in the making, with knitted secret letters in it.|left|thumb|267x267px]]From paper and pen,  [[File:Coiled Letters.jpg|alt=A Landscape of Coiled ceramic Letter experiments.|left|thumb|267x267px]]to spray can and wall,  [[File:Welded Secrets.jpg|alt=A welding Table, A paper with the letters developed in collaboration with the knitting machine, multiple pieces of metal with the same letters used as welding.|thumb|267x267px]]to thread and knitting machine coding,
 
to welding (weld writing) on metal,  
 
to coiling ceramics,  
 
to acrylic on denim''','''
 
to encrypt in spider nets, [[File:To find.jpg|alt=A picture of a hand holding two 3d printed words in front of a screen of two new words being prepared to print.|thumb|333x333px]]to 3D programming and 3D printing,
 
to thesis. </div>
[[File:Thesis on Toolbelt.jpg|alt=Mirror OOTD selfie wearing my toolbelt, various things hanging off it focus on the Thesis in-the-making.|left|thumb|333x333px]]
[[File:Tool Belt Making.jpg|alt=A mirror selfie, I'm feeling happy, a chaotic working table, a toolbelt in the making, Pieces of cut Jeans, Acrylic paint tubes, brushes, tools (mini basket, rubber fish, rope, cherries, chrystals) laying around, white acrylic on Denim, saying in big QUEER LIFE, underneath in smaller: PLANTS KNOW NO BORDERS, you could also read QUEER LIFE KNOWS NO BORDERS.|left|thumb|200x200px]]
 
 
 
Intelligence~Symbols~Reminders
 
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Lost on Instagram reels,  
[[File:Screenshot from Songbes TikTok Video.png|alt=Its a screenshot from the Video I write about. Songbe is at the bottom half of the picture wearing a printed yellow shirt from west african tradition. The subtitles say" em varias caracteristicas arquitectonicas". On the top half there is two images of the metal gates he mentions, and that I have seen all over my routes in europe. The quality of the Image is worse than the original screenshot.|thumb]]
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;I found a precious video<ref>
Songbe,Pérès. Tecnologia Ancestral Africana em Arquitecturas no Brasil. 6-11-2022.https://www.tiktok.com/@peres.songbe/video/7162706376223902982</ref> by the researcher~architect Peres Songbe, titled ''Tecnologias Ancestrais Africanas''. Songbe is a Master on African influences on Brazilian Architecture. Through his video and research he introduced me and others to '''Adinkra''', an ancestral African alphabet from Ghana that express african ''stories, philosophies codes of conduct, social norms, traditional values, proverbs e muito mais''. These symbols serve as knowledge transfers crafted on fabrics, ceramics, metal gates ''e muito mais''. '''Sankofa''' is one of these symbols~words~intelligence~philosophy~wisdom. It reminds its readers to learn and evolve by looking back. Growing up in Portugal, I have seen it all over my routes in Europe, especially on metal gates, ignorant to its powers.  
 
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Now it reminds me of whose hands~intelligence~knowledge~technology has shaped Brazil, Portugal, Europe; how knowledge is passed through stories, materials, objects,; and how necessary to keep reminding ourselves of what we think we already know.
 
 
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Silently~unacknowledged the gates shaped my routes: acknowledged ~ they make me stop, read, remember and share it with who I'm routing with.
 
 
 
Wisdom 2 be reminded;
 
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Words~permissions~reminders
 
<div style="text-align:right;">Knitted, coiled in stoneware, 3D printed in PLA, Acrylic on Denim </div>
 
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;accompany my thesis~insecurity.  
 
<div style="text-align:right;">They are the materialization of the research<sup>read friendship</sup> I have followed inside of Irene Mornings ''“The Polyamory Paradox: Finding Your Confidence in Consensual Non-Monogamy,”'' </div>
 
 
Finding your confidence,
 
<div style="text-align:right;">In insecurity.
A paradox.
</div>
 
Morning equips me~reader with tools to regulate~sooth the body~nervous system, alone and in (non)human company: centering the body to support the mind. Tools to use as auxiliary threads to strengthen the security on my~our~your web.
 
 
Starting by giving ourselves permission for (un)learning
 
<div style="text-align:center;">[[File:Go slow.png|alt=Various coiled letters, per, per, p, e, go, go, slow, go slow, goslow. Laying on a painted paper, ready to dry.|thumb|169x169px]]''To go slow''[[File:To trust yourself.jpg|alt=A coiled encrypted text, burnt ceramics, looking like baked bread.|left|thumb|200x200px]]''To trust yourself''[[File:Take Breaks.jpg|alt=Taking Breaks encrypted on a ceramic web.|thumb|200x200px]]''To take breaks''
 
''To fuck up''[[File:Permission 2 Fuck up.jpg|alt=3D printed encrypted Text|center|thumb]]</div>
 
 
<div style="text-align:right;">Permissions, that need reminders. </div>
 
 
Irene Morning, gave permission;
 
<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Robin Wall Kimmerer teaches how to ask for Permission them using the lessons from T''he Honorable'' H''arvest''<ref>Kimmerer, Robin Wall. ''Braiding Sweetgrass: Indigenous Wisdom, Scientific Knowledge and the Teachings of Plants.'' Canada: Milkweed editions, 2013. </ref> ; </p>
 
<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Helen gave me the confidence to extend the permissions for my artistic~practice~research; </p>
 
<div style="text-align:right;">
==== I made myself reminders. ====
</div>
 
 
 
I read the book in the school's ceramic studio, while underlining, re-writing parts into a word document and, when overwhelmed or tired of reading, I would start coiling, materializing the books permissions into clay.
[[File:My workspace coiling and writing.jpg|alt=A picture of the table I was working on in the schools ceramic studio. There is the copy of polyamory paradox with a freshly coiled web on it. There is my computer where im writing passages from the book into, with the burnt coiled encrypted "trust"on it, the "yourself" is laying next to it. There is a frshly brewed cup of tea. There is a freshly coiled spiral and questionmark laying on a damp towel. There is my notebook where i wrote myself a "permission to fall in love" but turned into a "PErmission to fail in love". underneath is is a drawing of a spidernet, with little ants walking around it.|thumb]]
 
 
The touch of Clay bringing me back to my senses.  
 
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;My hands.  
 
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Material: Stoneware
 
The words in the book stirr me up, why is it so hard ''to trust myself''?  
 
<div style="text-align:right;">I trust my friends. </div>
 
Why do I need permission?
 
<div style="text-align:right;">Frustration.  </div>
 
<div style="text-align:center;">I get lost  </div>
 
 
Method: rolling, coiling, looping, feeling letters,  
 
<div style="text-align:center;">materializing words, visualizing ''to trust yourself''
 
''to find my way back.'' </div>
 
<div style="text-align:right;">[[File:We get Lost.jpg|alt=A Heart shaped Red Karabiner Ring with white 3D printed letters attached to it, go word by word, you can start anywhere you read, we find our way back we get lost and trust to.|left|thumb]]I found my way back,  </div>
 
<div style="text-align:center;">There is a Reminder: burnt at 1250*C</div>
 
<div style="text-align:right;">I burnt them in the oven because I could not burn them into my body. </div>
 
<div style="text-align:center;">I placed into a corner of my space.  
 
And like a spidernet that reminds me to clean my room,  
 
it reminds me of the possibility~paradox of staying safe within insecurity. </div>
 
 
 
<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Focusing on my Body communicating~feeling~getting to know a material~technique~sequence calms me down~ </p>
 
''Looping;''
 
<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;''“(...) explor(ing) the loop as a process of revolutionary creation through the accumulation of repeated circuits, fosters the potential of the individual and collective energetic encounter as a possibility to achieve political questioning, altered states of consciousness and new queer immateriality(ies)”.'' <ref>Artistic Practices and methodologies by friend~researcher~artist~ceramicist~looper Rebeca Letras. Queted from their Site: https://rebecaletras.online/Bio. </ref>
 
==== A certain repetition makes my nervous system feel safe, inside my ''web of tolerance'' <ref>Morning, Irene. The Polyamory Paradox. Morning uses the term "Window of Tolerance" and I adapted it to "Web of Tolerace" to add the idea that you need to work on it, and that it anchors to many different points and that it can rip and make you feel insecure, and you can mend it and feel more secure.</ref>,   ====
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;able to take in the information with empathy~curiosity~compassion,  
 
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;surrendering to a new interpretation of our frustration~stress~threat,
 
<div style="text-align:center;">accessing a new ''paradigmshift'' <ref>Fern, Jessica. ''Polywise: A Deeper Dive into Navigating Open Relationships.'' Australia, UK, USA: Scribe, 2023.</ref>''“When we are in our <s>window</s>(Web) of tolerance,''  
 
''we are able to engage the aspects of our physiology''  
 
''that create connection and intimacy with other people (...)''
 
''Listening,''
 
''Steady and calm tone of voice,''
 
''Eye contact,''
 
''Pleasurable physical contact.''
 
''(...) (giving) us access to emotions like''  
 
''empathy,''  
 
''curiosity,''  
 
''and compassion.''”<ref>Morning, Irene. ''The Polyamory Paradox''. p.33</ref> </div>
 
 
Through unlearning, with the help of friends, mentors and memes,  I feel like my tolerance for being uncertain has gotten better, I even felt confident enough to make it into a master thesis.  
 
<div style="text-align:right;">A ''deadline'' is getting closer
Again, please let us demilitarize the academic language, 
 
its stressing me out, making me act in weird ways,
 
The ways I'm trying to unlearn!
 
It's making me think this is the most important thing out there,
 
making me forget about my friends. 
 
<nowiki>:</nowiki>(<br />Stress starts, and the questioning of my research~value gets louder, the insecurity gets activated. Luckily my friend Reina del Mar is here. She's listening and with her steady calm tone of voice she '''reassures''' me that there is value.  
</div>
 
 
This research<sub>read friendships</sub> is having to remind yourself constantly, of permissions, of reassurance, because as soon as the stress kicks in, I seem to forget.
 
 
 
Acknowledging how the body~nervous system~organs, react to when it's losing its sense of security.
 
Acknowledging how the web of tolerance can shift our sense of security:
 
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Depending on our ability to metabolize stress and the stress~pressure levels we are dealing with; our coping mechanism; the resources we have to digest the signals from the body; our sense of connection at that moment; how life experiences have conditioned us; how much we rested and how much we hydrated and nurtured ourselves; how our body is functioning nervous system~heart rate~digestive system <ref>Morning, Irene. ''The Polyamory Paradox: Finding your confidence in Consensual Non-Monogamy.'' Washington, DC, USA: Difference Press, 2022.</ref>
 
I~we will feel more or less capable~confident~secure~tolerant ~open
 
<div style="text-align:center;"> What strengthens your web of tolerance?
 
Have you securely knotted the web into place?
 
Have you tended to the knots you have made?
 
Did an anchor rip during the windy night?
 
Don't worry there is many knots holding you secure, it just shifted a bit. </div>
 
 
<u>How to build~strengthen your web:</u>
 
==== '''         Throw your ''Hilo'',''' ====
study the vibration coming back, is this anchor you have thrown secure enough?<ref>Ticio Escobar , Suely Rolnik , Roberto Amigo, ''"Aura latente" conversado entre amigxs.'' Tinta Limón Ediciones. 6 de Mayo de 2021 https://tintalimon.com.ar/post/presentaci%C3%B3n-de-aura-latente/#contacto</ref>
 
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Your anchor points is your internal world ~ your (non) human friends ~ the spaces you love to inhabit, to join these point you can use anchor
 
threads~relationships~connections~routes;
 
 
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Use your anchors and knot frames~collectives~practices~systems
 
In the middle of your web, find a stable middle and spiral~knot a safety hub~a center for resting and feeling secure.  
 
 
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;From there use your auxiliary threads~permissions~reassurances~reminders and spiral~knot your web for secure movement and nurture.  
 
 
The web is for you and who you want to share it with,  
 
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;find a route to be present together,  
 
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;share your resources<ref>Carlos Pérez Cortés, Juan. 2022. ''Relationship Anarchy: Occupy Intimacy!'' [https://theanarchistlibrary.org/library/juan-carlo-perez-cortez-relationship-anarchy. https://theanarchistlibrary.org/library/juan-carlo-perez-cortez-relationship-anarchy.].</ref>,  
 
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;join on the web to find ways to write~make together, experiment with materials~typographies~codes~encryptions,
 
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Research together,
 
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Nap together,
 
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Rehearse accessibility and tolerance together,
 
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Organize to protest together,
 
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;make~wear your protest banners together~apart;
 
 
 
 
 
[[File:ProtestBanner making Workshop 8M.jpg|alt=Picture of a Table,There are the Flyers for the Counter Cloud Gathering Event on the 8M where the workshop was held together with a Radio Show, at the Food Culture(s) Lab in BAsel, With Titipi. there are Various Jeans Scraps with Writing on it, the say "Ceasfire now!", "Protest" and "Clouds Kill", there is a zine laying It says "Resistance Kolonierna.SE", A Sticker that says "Genozid? Nein Danke" with an unhappy sun, and a book titeles "Land concentration, land grabbing and peoples struggles in Europe"|thumb]]
[[File:ProtestBanner making Workshop 8M 2.jpg|alt=Picture of a Table, for the Counter Cloud Gathering Event on the 8M where the workshop was held together with a Radio Show, at the Food Culture(s) Lab in Basel, With Titipi. There are Various Jeans Scraps with Protest Text on it,there is paints, brushes,zines and Books laying around. At the end of the Table there is the Radio set up.|thumb]]
'''INSTRUCTIONS for making mini Protest Banners'''
 
==== Material List: ====
* Fabric Scraps: I use preloved Denim
* Acrylic Paint: I like White on Denim- good contrast is recommended for better readability ~ experimenting with different contrasts and therefore different levels of encryption could also be of interest
* Paint Brush: size and hard~softness depends of what you want to work on, do some tryouts! Get to know your brush and let the brush get to know you.
* remind yourself of gathered words, acronyms, chants, symbols you feel connected to
 
 
Prepare Space and Time:
 
* Find a comfy space, where you can spread your fabric scarps
* make yourself a hydrating beverage
* Prepare a glass with water where you can leave your brush to not dry when taking breaks
* Set yourself a reminder to drink and to take that break
 
 
Paint:
 
* Maybe you feel more comfortable starting with writing with the pencil  
* <nowiki>Take your brush and paint and start ~~~~ take as long as you need ~ until satisfied or tired </nowiki>
* For extra durability, lay a piece of baking paper on your dry paint and go over it with a hot iron
 
 
Surprise Effect: Protest Banner Roll Down
 
* Get a binder clip and attach the top of the banner to it using glue/ safety pin/ ...
* Roll the banner up and clip it secure
* When the time is right just open the clip and let it roll down  
 
 
<div style="text-align:center;">
=== Okay, is finding your way back ===
 
 
 
Okay </div>
 
 
Okay, to get lost
 
Okay, is finding a way back
 
<div style="text-align:center;">[[File:We trust and we lost.png|alt=The Quote made in Graphiz. https://graphviz.org/|left|thumb]]''We get lost and triggered''<ref>Morning, Irene. The Polyamory Paradox. p.22</ref> </div>
 
<div style="text-align:right;">We get lost and activated
 
We get lost and stirred </div>
 
We get lost and percipitated <sub>a cause</sub> <sub>typically one that is undesirable:</sub>
 
<sub>to happen suddenly, unexpectedly, or prematurely</sub>
 
<div style="text-align:center;">We get lost and prompt <sub>being ready and quick to act as occasion demands:</sub>
 
<sub>performed readily or immediately</sub>
 
We get lost and set off
 
We get lost and provoked
 
We get lost and frozen </div>
 
<div style="text-align:right;">We get lost and generated to find our way back
 
We get lost and motioned in circles trying to find our way back
 
We get lost and activated and we are responsible to find our way back
 
And I have reminders to help with that </div>
[[File:We get lost oh so lost.png|alt=The quote, with more words/options to get lost. Made with https://graphviz.org/|thumb]]
We get lost and trust to find our way back.
 
<div style="text-align:center;">===  '''Okay<sup>unconclusion</sup>''' === <ref>Britton, Ren Loren; Pritchard, Helen V. ''For Careful Slugs: Caring for Unknowing in CS (Computer Science)''. Catalyst: Feminism, Theory, Technoscience. Published: Nov 7, 2022. https://catalystjournal.org/index.php/catalyst/article/view/37723#:~:text=Ren%20Loren%20Britton,Helen%20V.%20Pritchard</ref> </div>
 
 
 
So what's my research question?
 
Again
 
 
 
 
How the research I've been doing
 
On being with, attempting to make, reading about: Spiderwebs  
 
Has informed me on Friendships~Love
 
Has made me want to web a (security) net  
 
A net that is knotted on various humans, non-human, quotes, permissions, techniques, landscapes, tools,  
 
Various ones,  
 
And then i imagine that if there is a string that for whatever reason, breaks
 
There are a few more that will hold the net in place
 
It might sway a bit harder when there is a wind coming through
 
And in the middle of things this is what Polyamory is also about
 
It acknowledges that we are social beings, made of attachments and attachments are beautiful
 
And it acknowledges our window of tolerance and our survival strategies
 
And Jessica Fern and Irene Morning and on IG @decolonizing.love<ref>Millie and Nick https://www.instagram.com/decolonizing.love/?hl=en</ref> and so many more have been tooling us up with how to deal with these intense feelings
 
<div style="text-align:right;">And Justin had painted them beautiful </div>
 
And these tools are so valuable
 
Not just for polyamorous people
 
Also for people who love, who work together, who do research, who are living on a damaged planet
 
Tools to regulate the nervous system,
 
For people who feel the need to regulate their nervous system,
 
For people with a nervous system
 
And then I feel ridiculous because, I swear, if i had learned that in kindergarten, wow,
 
And I feel like I could! I feel like it would have made so much sense to me
 
And now here I am feeling the need to make a masters out of it
 
 
<div style="text-align:center;">Okay </div>
 
 
This masters programm has expanded my view on Research and Love and I would love to keep navigating, integrating, processing, embodying,  
 
<div style="text-align:center;">with ''permission'' </div>
 
finding joy, pleasure, connection and transformation.
 
 
 
<div style="text-align:center;">Okay </div>
 
Back to the tools
 
They are here for us to use
 
But we forget them in times of need
 
Thats why we need reminders and taking breaks
 
 
<div style="text-align:center;">Okay  </div>
 
Also this Masters
 
Has been so much about unlearning all these design methods cause in their quest to repair and resolve they do applauded damage  
 
So I don't strive for fruitful work
 
I strive for Rootful work
 
<div style="text-align:center;">What connects to the knots? </div>
 
 
Now having these tools


I feel like i can go out of academia, and i feel a little bit better equipped to work with my friends


Okay, is finding a way back </div>
Because working with friends is so beautiful and can bring such sweet fruits


But I've also experienced some rotten fruits, broken connections, a lot of distrust so sad


==== Tools~Permission~Reminders~Encryptions ====


==== Strengthening the <sub>security</sub> Web of Tolerance 🕸️ ====
I ask myself how we want to work together


=== Secrets and loss of text ===
When we get annoyed by each other


=== Okay <sup>unconclusion</sup> ===
And i tell you  


==== Instructions: Mini Protest Banners ====
Go have a nap  
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=== Heading text ===
Our togetherness is equal to our separateness*** where did i see this? <blockquote>''“Freedom is not a secret.It’s a practice.” Alexis Pauline Gumbs''</blockquote>
<blockquote>''“Freedom is not a secret.It’s a practice.” Alexis Pauline Gumbs''</blockquote>
<references />
<references />

Latest revision as of 20:17, 10 July 2024

Research Read Friendship

FRIENDSHIPWEBs BETWEEN MY PRACTICES: crafting webss~systemss~structures


Materialized heavy processing

Materialized experiments through~with

I got what I need TOOLBELTS around my waist

Ceasefire Now! WEARABLE PROTESTBANNERS hanging off our clothes

supporting SPIDERSHIPS AND FRIENDWEBS  reassuring me

KNITTING LETTERS 2 keep secrets

ENVELOPING QUESTIONS to open but not answer

knowing when I “see” it and not when I read it COILED/ WEBd WRITINGS to unlearn perfect writing, or to write for writing not for reading  

BUBBLES AND GIGGLES to keep giggling; protected

OKAY to find my way back

I'm still struggling to put this writing together,,,

MAYBE

Scattered is how it will make sense to me

But there are deliverables and deadlines

 

So I'll have to manage a way to scatter together in this document.

Why do i get angry lol.

 

This writing, it starts, middles and finishes with a lot of insecurity,

“I don't know enough”

“It’s not good enough for a masters”

“what kind of knowledge am I unfolding (trying) here even”

 

Sabine smiles: “Du hast kein recht dich selber zu kritisieren”

This is an experiment to feel secure within my insecurity, Yes, I feel insecure;  

Invitation to openly feel unsure, insecure, not confident.

Invitation to find confidence in confusion.

 

Maybe a lot of harm has been done by feeling too confident.


This writing, comes with an acknowledgement that indeed you cannot separate your research from who you are,  

and why does this make me cry?


Okay,

This writing has a collection of some new  

vocabulary

word constellation

strategies  

methodologies  
I've learned~still trying to learn. *Permission 2 take my thyme*  

This writing will not make sense to me, perhaps it will to you

I'll be confused, before, during and after
With the exception of some moments of clarity,  

(they are overrated)

that are enjoyed but don’t last too long.


          My master thesis will guide you through the emotional landscape I encounter when having to deliver research. It’s, with permission, a failed* try to organize the chaos in my mind and in my~our space and our practices and our~my experiments.

But, with permission, is slowly*, with permission, turning into enjoying* the chaos  

(why am I crying?again?), releasing the expectations that everything needs to make sense,  

needs to fit somewhere, be concentrated, be coherent.

*Permission 2 Fail*

*Permission to enjoy the chaos*

*Permission to acknowledge and release expectations*

*Permission to stay in the Process*
Screen Print of encryption I made using FreeHand reading Permission to fail/fall in love


          My master's is searching for life affirming infrastructures[1] for doing research and being in Love with~through networks~root systems~care webs[2]~friendships~permissions~reminders~(nervous)systems~pleasure~tolerance~bubbles~and~giggles that acknowledge and empower me~us with~through confusion~indecisiveness~insecurity ~discomfort,,,


Okay, this writing is for my body mind[3], for my future, for my lifetime, for my wellbeing and for the wellbeing of my~our~your bubble, the livability on my~your web using some tools of polyamorous de~anti colonial teaching.



          A “master thesis” may be delivered at a deadline (can we demilitarize the academic language? ), but the research will not be done yet, or ever. This is why this Writing will be published in Wiki-to-Pdf,

          a tool imagined to produce “paginated, elastic, malleable and re-editable publications for printing and on-line reading”,  

          so I can keep the possibility of writing and editing as I (un)learn,  

          while making it available for my friends to join and  

          while saving pdf as I go - to archive what it has been.  


I have this feeling it just started, but when I look back It has had many starts.  

Somewhere it also started with wanting to work with friends

Which brings so much joy, excitement, and a feeling of doing valuable work

But I've also experienced/seen it turn into sadness, anger, resentment  

And questioning the saying “Amigos Amigos, negócios à parte[4]


Having to write this thesis (alone),
makes me miss my friends.


Because -I'm in the privileged position- of saying why would I ever want to do business with someone who is not (my) friend.


          I guess every time I find a new tool, I feel prepared. I think I’m confusing “starting” with feeling prepared, or confident. And I have cried and questioned my way through this masters program. Never knowing what I was after.  Am I finding a way a city girl (me) could become a farmer girl (maybe me)? Am I researching for a master's or am I having an existential question? How can I plan my pension? Have you giggled today? Are you feeling bubbly? How do I plan my retirement? [5]  And even through moments of frustration, I think how wonderful it is to be doing research in this academic bubble. How grateful I am to have been able to rehearse it in this place where my emotions are welcome, naps are welcome, questions are welcome, dramatization is welcome, exploration is welcome. Where there is a collection of soft and warm people holding a space together for me~us to live this out.

 

But what will happen once the bubble is burst?  
*with Permission*


          I'm thankful for the manes at Pedreira who have introduced me to anchors where I could knot a frame for my web~practice. They knotted auxiliary threads with me and gave me confidence to spiral a safety hub.

          Anchoring to friends~comrades~mentors, texts~sounds, memes, walks, swims, GIGGLES,,, creates a stable web to move and find nurture on.  

          Some of these references I’m able to mention, others I seem to have lost the thread, either way I’d like to acknowledge our interconnected webs of (un)learning.  

          And take a moment to acknowledge all those who have and still worked on (embodied) knowledges that have been lessened, exploited, misunderstood, mocked, unpaid, unloved, surveilled, criminalized, silenced, never let into the academic space, marginalized, minoritized, racialized, incarcerated, killed

          through lack of access to body~mind~planetary~climate health, education, transport, housing, wages, opportunity,  

          for their (embodied) knowledges through gender, race, ethnicity, language, nationality, class, sexuality, (dis)ability, health.  

One solution,  

World Revolution![6]

          I'm writing this on a mac computer owned by the school. The structures that maintain Switzerland, the country I'm writing this in, onto such privilege are the same that keep the global south exploited. All while Switzerland together with the rest of Europe, is closing their borders more and more, and people trying to leave these exploitative conditions looking for safer spaces are left to die outside these borders.

Brick by Brick,

 Wall by Wall,  

make the Fortress Europe Fall! [7]

          This writing is being written, while the world is weeping, the hearts, bodies, (agri)cultures, climates, there are multiple Genocides and ecocides being done and some of them being even live streamed: Sudan, Congo, Haiti, Myanmar and Palestine, and others we might not be aware of.  The carpet bombing of Gaza and its children has been going on for the seventh eighth ninth consecutive month, and still there is an ongoing narrative, that justifies Israels crimes, atrocities. A similar narrative to the one I grew up hearing sitting on my kitchen table and in the classrooms, a narrative that justified the crimes committed by the Portuguese in and between Africa and South America. Crimes and atrocities as old as 500 years, that have not yet been accounted for.

Hey Hey, Ho Ho,  

the occupation has got to go! [8]

We have been Protesting

Since the start of the latest, most extreme genocidal bombing campaign.

Free, Free Palestine,

Free Free Gaza,

Viva Viva Palestina! [9]

          In shock with how the world can go on while witnessing a live streamed genocide, students and workers all over the World have organized University mass protests, demands, occupations, encampments. These manifestations of solidarity show the students and staff's dedication to education through, with and beyond the academy.  

From Basel to Gaza, Student Intifada! [10]

          Unfortunately, some universities leaderships~administrations (example uni basel) , seem to be unable to recognize this. Instead of respecting their students~clients~workers~researchers~brains~hearts~souls giving them the access to the education they demand and desire and doing their best to divest from the military-industrial complex, these “leaderships” decide to call the police. The police shows up to peaceful protestors fully geared up, their bodies are protected, anonymized, they have vans, dogs, they are armed with rubber bullets, batons, tear gas, water canons, they have the right to intimidate, to be violent, to hurt, to damage, to arrest and to take in data from the protestors.  

          This leaves me feeling extremely disgusted.  

The Beach in Portugal, Cloudy December Sky, Big Surfable Waves, someone (me hihi) wrote in the Sand: "Free Gaza"
Redet uns den Scheiss nicht ein,  

Polizei das muss nicht sein!  

Unsere Strassen unser Rhein,  

lass das kontrolieren sein! [11]


From the River to the Sea,

Palestine will be Free,  

From the Sea to the River,  

Palestine will live forever! [12]


1,2,3,4

The occupation has got to go

5,6,7,8

Israhell is a terrorist state

In our hundreds

In our millions

We are all palestinians! [13]

Research is in Solidarity

solidarity is values

solidarity is fractal [14]

„(...) is what we practice on small scale affects

what emerges in larger systems and structures“ [15]


Everytime you see Research read friendship

Research is preparing snack and drinks

Research is vulnerable

Research is support

Research is becoming

Research is reactive

Research is collecting

“Research as a place to process emotions” [16]

“What feels Beautiful?” [17]
Screenshot of The 3D printing Programm with the 3D Words
Research is protactile

Research is navigating turbulent landscapes

Research is accessing

Research is strategies

Research is emergent

Research is concurrent

Research is Rehearsing[18]

Research is juicy, thrilling, abundant,  

Anxious
Research is holding Complexities  

Research is sensemaking

Sensemaking is noticing  


Noticing 

“is about giving a lot of attention to small [(inner)children],  

very ordinary things that hold a lot of potential.  

And that can be instructive for recognizing a desire for how we might want to live or be together,  

That's not always allowable in the present” [19]

this is research


Nous sommes tous des enfants de Gaza! [20]

Research is ~connecting

Research is instructions

Research is revolution

Research is world building

Research has got speed bumps

Research gives you goosebumps

Research is triggering

Research is activating

Research is waking up in the middle of the night

Research is following resonance

Research is feeling connected

Research is commitment

Research is holding Space for me

For you

Research as kinship.



Research is Dramatic[21]

Research is Suspenseful

Research changed my handwriting

Research submits

Research shares

Research is kleptocratic

Research is weapon

Research is strategy


Research makes me sick to my stomach


Hoch die Internationale Solidarität!


Research is as a careful slug [22]

Research is accountability

 

Research is resourcing

Research is repair


Research is needs  

Research is desire[23]  
Research is heavy processing with nips and naps [24] “(…) (Heavy) process is product.

Process generates knowledge and it allows us to understand our own place within and beyond the research we are doing.

Process is a form of experimentation, it is a method, it is a way of learning, of gathering, and sharing information, of knowing.

(…) /processing/ as an orientation to the pleasure (sexual, emotional, political, intellectual)

of complex and sometimes incommensurate information.”

“(…)/+/ being transformed by that information.” [25]


Research is in community

Research needs Reminders

Research is pleasures  

Research is poly

Research is with permission

Research is (self-)compassion

Permission and love is embracing pleasure

Research is Glimmering [26]

and Research Glitters [27]
Adapting, translating, negotiating

Research is contemplative and contemplates

Research is explorative and explores

Research is multiplying and multiplies

Research is questioning  

questioning is holding on tight

questioning is letting go

questioning is paradox?
“Where are you going?

Where are you coming from?

What are you heading for?

These are totally useless questions.  

Making a clean state,  

starting or beginning again from ground zero,  

seeking a beginning or a foundation-  

all imply a false conception of voyage and movement (...)” [28]


Lol ups,

 

here I am trying to find a beginning, middle and end to my master thesis


Reminds me of Helens Refrain to hold on to:   beginnings that happen in the middle of things [29]
Quotes curated By Helen, Yellow A4 with Black letters, The quotes are written in 3 colums, the idea is to fold the paper in 3.


When there is none. What a Relief.

 

Research is in tides,  

ebbs and flows,  

between knowledge and ignorance,  

between tension and relief.

Research, I'm still finding out

Research, I find out as I go


          Maybe, I keep some things, to myself, secrets, because they are a bit embarrassing and cringe and because they are important to me, because they are mine, a part of me and my vulnerabilities, I don’t want to show them to the world in a round and polished way, because to round and polish them, is to take away its depths and flatten[30] them.


There are things I am too embarrassed to show

Until I feel comfortable enough to let it out

A Screenshot from the 3D scan of a Ceramic piece I coiled. A web with encrypted text.

Look what I made,

 

There is something I’ve written,

Look there is a T and an A and a K and an E  

and a B and a R and there is an E and another A, a K and the S.  

It's a reminder for myself,  

I feel embarrassed that I feel disconnectedness towards the needs of by body and need a  

reminder,

I know what you mean,  

I don’t think it’s ridiculous at all.

I would also need a reminder.

My friends give me reassurance,

My friends are my success,

My friends are my safety,

My friends hold me accountable,


The moments when friends share ideas are precious,

The things I work on start making sense when I share it with friends.

Friends see and bring to reality so much that I didn't notice,

Friends share with me their imaginaries,  

Enriching mine.

I wouldn't be here without my friends.

When I'm feeling down and uncertain,  
Friends empower me, soothe me and bring me back to a stabler reality.


I hate writing

My writing was never praised at school

I love making

Nani has such gifted hands

I’m scared of writing

What if its not good enough?


What if no one understands what i want to express?

For my masters I will have to write

I have thyme

I’m a slow reader

And I get stuck to the 60 second videos on my phone

I love making

Let me procrastinate by making writing

I make words with the materials I love touching
The act of writing is like the act of making


Helen gave me permission to write in a way I feel good doing it

I love making

I love writing

I feel so good after writing
And my friends seem to understand it

and to enjoy it

Reassurances

Insecurities

Related to what teachers thought of my writings  

Because I knew I was bound to deliver a thesis made up of words  

Making writing: a way to start writing while procrastinating on drafting a thesis.  

I had been (re)activated to work with letters and fonts and words, experimenting

writing through and adapting the writing to different materials and technologies, leading to a change in my practice~caligraphy.  


Letters~Fonts~Encrypted Expression

           The Pixo is a type of tagging evolved in the Periphery of Sao Paulo,

           I was introduced to it by a partner.

The letters are inspired by anglo-saxon runes alphabet aka Futhorc that came to Brasil through punk and heavy metal culture.

Its a screenshot from the Youtube page of the documentary. There Is a young cic-man, wearing a blue cap with white Pixo letters on it. He is wearing a black shirt and a yellow Top on top. He stand in front of a painted brick wall. At the top you can see the bare, orange bricks and underneath you can read parts of a text in (what he calls) "straight letters" (not pico) "...um novo, um novo chegou" . There is an over lap of subtitles. in portuguese it says: "Eu passei oiro anos na escola, oitava serie" over it in english it says: "but those letters I dont understand, y'know. I just reas "pixo".

           I got to know a little bit more about it through the documentary[31] by João Wainer and Roberto T. Oliveira from 2010.  

           Pixo, is a way for marginalised people to express themselves.  

Its predominantly cis-male dominated.

          Someone unnamed in the documentary shares with us he never learned how to read in school. Growing up on the Street he only learned to read Pixo.

 


          Suddenly, I started to see these pixo~letters~messages~negotiation~networks, due to increasing immigration, popping up in my routes in Europe, trying to decode them, acknowledging that impossibility.

A journey,

An encrypted ceramic spidernet drying on a towel, waiting to be burnt.
A knitted piece in the making, with knitted secret letters in it.
From paper and pen,  
A Landscape of Coiled ceramic Letter experiments.
to spray can and wall,
A welding Table, A paper with the letters developed in collaboration with the knitting machine, multiple pieces of metal with the same letters used as welding.
to thread and knitting machine coding,

to welding (weld writing) on metal,  

to coiling ceramics,  

to acrylic on denim,

to encrypt in spider nets,
A picture of a hand holding two 3d printed words in front of a screen of two new words being prepared to print.
to 3D programming and 3D printing, to thesis.
Mirror OOTD selfie wearing my toolbelt, various things hanging off it focus on the Thesis in-the-making.
A mirror selfie, I'm feeling happy, a chaotic working table, a toolbelt in the making, Pieces of cut Jeans, Acrylic paint tubes, brushes, tools (mini basket, rubber fish, rope, cherries, chrystals) laying around, white acrylic on Denim, saying in big QUEER LIFE, underneath in smaller: PLANTS KNOW NO BORDERS, you could also read QUEER LIFE KNOWS NO BORDERS.


Intelligence~Symbols~Reminders

          Lost on Instagram reels,  

Its a screenshot from the Video I write about. Songbe is at the bottom half of the picture wearing a printed yellow shirt from west african tradition. The subtitles say" em varias caracteristicas arquitectonicas". On the top half there is two images of the metal gates he mentions, and that I have seen all over my routes in europe. The quality of the Image is worse than the original screenshot.

          I found a precious video[32] by the researcher~architect Peres Songbe, titled Tecnologias Ancestrais Africanas. Songbe is a Master on African influences on Brazilian Architecture. Through his video and research he introduced me and others to Adinkra, an ancestral African alphabet from Ghana that express african stories, philosophies codes of conduct, social norms, traditional values, proverbs e muito mais. These symbols serve as knowledge transfers crafted on fabrics, ceramics, metal gates e muito mais. Sankofa is one of these symbols~words~intelligence~philosophy~wisdom. It reminds its readers to learn and evolve by looking back. Growing up in Portugal, I have seen it all over my routes in Europe, especially on metal gates, ignorant to its powers.  

          Now it reminds me of whose hands~intelligence~knowledge~technology has shaped Brazil, Portugal, Europe; how knowledge is passed through stories, materials, objects,; and how necessary to keep reminding ourselves of what we think we already know.


          Silently~unacknowledged the gates shaped my routes: acknowledged ~ they make me stop, read, remember and share it with who I'm routing with.


Wisdom 2 be reminded;

          Words~permissions~reminders

Knitted, coiled in stoneware, 3D printed in PLA, Acrylic on Denim

          accompany my thesis~insecurity.  

They are the materialization of the researchread friendship I have followed inside of Irene Mornings “The Polyamory Paradox: Finding Your Confidence in Consensual Non-Monogamy,”


Finding your confidence,

In insecurity.

A paradox.

Morning equips me~reader with tools to regulate~sooth the body~nervous system, alone and in (non)human company: centering the body to support the mind. Tools to use as auxiliary threads to strengthen the security on my~our~your web.


Starting by giving ourselves permission for (un)learning

Various coiled letters, per, per, p, e, go, go, slow, go slow, goslow. Laying on a painted paper, ready to dry.
To go slow
A coiled encrypted text, burnt ceramics, looking like baked bread.
To trust yourself
Taking Breaks encrypted on a ceramic web.
To take breaks To fuck up
3D printed encrypted Text


Permissions, that need reminders.


Irene Morning, gave permission;

          Robin Wall Kimmerer teaches how to ask for Permission them using the lessons from The Honorable Harvest[33] ;

          Helen gave me the confidence to extend the permissions for my artistic~practice~research;

I made myself reminders.


I read the book in the school's ceramic studio, while underlining, re-writing parts into a word document and, when overwhelmed or tired of reading, I would start coiling, materializing the books permissions into clay.

A picture of the table I was working on in the schools ceramic studio. There is the copy of polyamory paradox with a freshly coiled web on it. There is my computer where im writing passages from the book into, with the burnt coiled encrypted "trust"on it, the "yourself" is laying next to it. There is a frshly brewed cup of tea. There is a freshly coiled spiral and questionmark laying on a damp towel. There is my notebook where i wrote myself a "permission to fall in love" but turned into a "PErmission to fail in love". underneath is is a drawing of a spidernet, with little ants walking around it.


The touch of Clay bringing me back to my senses.  

          My hands.  

          Material: Stoneware

The words in the book stirr me up, why is it so hard to trust myself?  

I trust my friends.

Why do I need permission?

Frustration.  
I get lost  


Method: rolling, coiling, looping, feeling letters,  

materializing words, visualizing to trust yourself to find my way back.
A Heart shaped Red Karabiner Ring with white 3D printed letters attached to it, go word by word, you can start anywhere you read, we find our way back we get lost and trust to.
I found my way back,  
There is a Reminder: burnt at 1250*C
I burnt them in the oven because I could not burn them into my body.
I placed into a corner of my space.  

And like a spidernet that reminds me to clean my room,  

it reminds me of the possibility~paradox of staying safe within insecurity.


          Focusing on my Body communicating~feeling~getting to know a material~technique~sequence calms me down~

Looping;

          “(...) explor(ing) the loop as a process of revolutionary creation through the accumulation of repeated circuits, fosters the potential of the individual and collective energetic encounter as a possibility to achieve political questioning, altered states of consciousness and new queer immateriality(ies)”. [34]

A certain repetition makes my nervous system feel safe, inside my web of tolerance [35],  

          able to take in the information with empathy~curiosity~compassion,  

                    surrendering to a new interpretation of our frustration~stress~threat,

accessing a new paradigmshift [36]“When we are in our window(Web) of tolerance,  

we are able to engage the aspects of our physiology  

that create connection and intimacy with other people (...)

Listening,

Steady and calm tone of voice,

Eye contact,

Pleasurable physical contact.

(...) (giving) us access to emotions like  

empathy,  

curiosity,  

and compassion.[37]


Through unlearning, with the help of friends, mentors and memes,  I feel like my tolerance for being uncertain has gotten better, I even felt confident enough to make it into a master thesis.  

A deadline is getting closer

Again, please let us demilitarize the academic language,

its stressing me out, making me act in weird ways,

The ways I'm trying to unlearn!

It's making me think this is the most important thing out there,

making me forget about my friends.

:(
Stress starts, and the questioning of my research~value gets louder, the insecurity gets activated. Luckily my friend Reina del Mar is here. She's listening and with her steady calm tone of voice she reassures me that there is value.  


This researchread friendships is having to remind yourself constantly, of permissions, of reassurance, because as soon as the stress kicks in, I seem to forget.


Acknowledging how the body~nervous system~organs, react to when it's losing its sense of security.

Acknowledging how the web of tolerance can shift our sense of security:

          Depending on our ability to metabolize stress and the stress~pressure levels we are dealing with; our coping mechanism; the resources we have to digest the signals from the body; our sense of connection at that moment; how life experiences have conditioned us; how much we rested and how much we hydrated and nurtured ourselves; how our body is functioning nervous system~heart rate~digestive system [38]

I~we will feel more or less capable~confident~secure~tolerant ~open

What strengthens your web of tolerance?

Have you securely knotted the web into place?

Have you tended to the knots you have made?

Did an anchor rip during the windy night?

Don't worry there is many knots holding you secure, it just shifted a bit.


How to build~strengthen your web:

         Throw your Hilo,

study the vibration coming back, is this anchor you have thrown secure enough?[39]

          Your anchor points is your internal world ~ your (non) human friends ~ the spaces you love to inhabit, to join these point you can use anchor

threads~relationships~connections~routes;


          Use your anchors and knot frames~collectives~practices~systems

In the middle of your web, find a stable middle and spiral~knot a safety hub~a center for resting and feeling secure.  


          From there use your auxiliary threads~permissions~reassurances~reminders and spiral~knot your web for secure movement and nurture.  


The web is for you and who you want to share it with,  

          find a route to be present together,  

          share your resources[40],  

          join on the web to find ways to write~make together, experiment with materials~typographies~codes~encryptions,

          Research together,

          Nap together,

          Rehearse accessibility and tolerance together,

          Organize to protest together,

          make~wear your protest banners together~apart;



 

Picture of a Table,There are the Flyers for the Counter Cloud Gathering Event on the 8M where the workshop was held together with a Radio Show, at the Food Culture(s) Lab in BAsel, With Titipi. there are Various Jeans Scraps with Writing on it, the say "Ceasfire now!", "Protest" and "Clouds Kill", there is a zine laying It says "Resistance Kolonierna.SE", A Sticker that says "Genozid? Nein Danke" with an unhappy sun, and a book titeles "Land concentration, land grabbing and peoples struggles in Europe"
Picture of a Table, for the Counter Cloud Gathering Event on the 8M where the workshop was held together with a Radio Show, at the Food Culture(s) Lab in Basel, With Titipi. There are Various Jeans Scraps with Protest Text on it,there is paints, brushes,zines and Books laying around. At the end of the Table there is the Radio set up.

INSTRUCTIONS for making mini Protest Banners

Material List:

  • Fabric Scraps: I use preloved Denim
  • Acrylic Paint: I like White on Denim- good contrast is recommended for better readability ~ experimenting with different contrasts and therefore different levels of encryption could also be of interest
  • Paint Brush: size and hard~softness depends of what you want to work on, do some tryouts! Get to know your brush and let the brush get to know you.
  • remind yourself of gathered words, acronyms, chants, symbols you feel connected to


Prepare Space and Time:

  • Find a comfy space, where you can spread your fabric scarps
  • make yourself a hydrating beverage
  • Prepare a glass with water where you can leave your brush to not dry when taking breaks
  • Set yourself a reminder to drink and to take that break


Paint:

  • Maybe you feel more comfortable starting with writing with the pencil  
  • Take your brush and paint and start ~~~~ take as long as you need ~ until satisfied or tired
  • For extra durability, lay a piece of baking paper on your dry paint and go over it with a hot iron


Surprise Effect: Protest Banner Roll Down

  • Get a binder clip and attach the top of the banner to it using glue/ safety pin/ ...
  • Roll the banner up and clip it secure
  • When the time is right just open the clip and let it roll down  


Okay, is finding your way back

Okay


Okay, to get lost

Okay, is finding a way back

The Quote made in Graphiz. https://graphviz.org/
We get lost and triggered[41]
We get lost and activated We get lost and stirred

We get lost and percipitated a cause typically one that is undesirable:

to happen suddenly, unexpectedly, or prematurely

We get lost and prompt being ready and quick to act as occasion demands:

performed readily or immediately

We get lost and set off

We get lost and provoked

We get lost and frozen
We get lost and generated to find our way back

We get lost and motioned in circles trying to find our way back

We get lost and activated and we are responsible to find our way back

And I have reminders to help with that
The quote, with more words/options to get lost. Made with https://graphviz.org/

We get lost and trust to find our way back.

=== Okayunconclusion === [42]


So what's my research question?

Again



How the research I've been doing

On being with, attempting to make, reading about: Spiderwebs  

Has informed me on Friendships~Love

Has made me want to web a (security) net  

A net that is knotted on various humans, non-human, quotes, permissions, techniques, landscapes, tools,  

Various ones,  

And then i imagine that if there is a string that for whatever reason, breaks

There are a few more that will hold the net in place

It might sway a bit harder when there is a wind coming through

And in the middle of things this is what Polyamory is also about

It acknowledges that we are social beings, made of attachments and attachments are beautiful

And it acknowledges our window of tolerance and our survival strategies

And Jessica Fern and Irene Morning and on IG @decolonizing.love[43] and so many more have been tooling us up with how to deal with these intense feelings

And Justin had painted them beautiful

And these tools are so valuable

Not just for polyamorous people

Also for people who love, who work together, who do research, who are living on a damaged planet

Tools to regulate the nervous system,

For people who feel the need to regulate their nervous system,

For people with a nervous system

And then I feel ridiculous because, I swear, if i had learned that in kindergarten, wow,

And I feel like I could! I feel like it would have made so much sense to me

And now here I am feeling the need to make a masters out of it


Okay


This masters programm has expanded my view on Research and Love and I would love to keep navigating, integrating, processing, embodying,  

with permission

finding joy, pleasure, connection and transformation.


Okay

Back to the tools

They are here for us to use

But we forget them in times of need

Thats why we need reminders and taking breaks


Okay  

Also this Masters

Has been so much about unlearning all these design methods cause in their quest to repair and resolve they do applauded damage  

So I don't strive for fruitful work

I strive for Rootful work

What connects to the knots?


Now having these tools

I feel like i can go out of academia, and i feel a little bit better equipped to work with my friends

Because working with friends is so beautiful and can bring such sweet fruits

But I've also experienced some rotten fruits, broken connections, a lot of distrust so sad


I ask myself how we want to work together

When we get annoyed by each other

And i tell you  

Go have a nap  

Our togetherness is equal to our separateness*** where did i see this?

“Freedom is not a secret.It’s a practice.” Alexis Pauline Gumbs

  1. Berlant, Lauren. 2016. “The Commons: Infrastructures for Troubling Times*.” Environment and Planning. D, Society and Space/Environment and Planning. D, Society & Space 34 (3): 393–419. https://doi.org/10.1177/0263775816645989.
  2. Piepzna-Samarasinha, Leah Lakshmi. 2018. Care Work: Dreaming Disability Justice. Edited by Lisa Factora-Borchers. Arsenal Pulp Press. https://thatmightberight.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/reading-III.pdf.
  3. Term used in disability studies , i found it here https://catalystjournal.org/index.php/catalyst/article/view/37643/28637
  4. Portuguese saying meaning something like: "friends [are] friends and business is seperate"
  5. Some questions I had during and worked with during the Masters Programm
  6. Chants learned and sung at the protest for a Free Palestine, against the genocide and stopping the War on Gaza. Basel, 2023&24.
  7. Chants learned and sung at the protest organized by the Sans Papier Kollektiv. Protest against racism, police brutality and for the right to stay for people without papers. Basel, 2024.
  8. Chants learned and sung at the protest for a Free Palestine, against the genocide and stopping the War on Gaza. Brussels, 2023.
  9. Chants learned and sung at the protest for a Free Palestine, against the genocide and stopping the War on Gaza. Basel, 2023&24.
  10. Chants learned and sung at the Student Occupation at the University of Basel for a Free Palestine, against the genocide and the Universities/ Switzerlands complicity and stopping the War on Gaza. Basel, 2024.
  11. Chants learned and sung at the protest organized by the Sans Papier Kollektiv. Protest against racism, police brutality and for the right to stay for people without papers. Basel, 2024.
  12. Chants learned and sung at the protest for a Free Palestine, against the genocide and stopping the War on Gaza. Basel, Bern, Zurich, Brussels, London 2023 &24.
  13. Chants learned and sung at the protest for a Free Palestine, against the genocide and stopping the War on Gaza. London, 2023.
  14. Brown, Adrienne Maree. Emergence (speech from opening for allied media conference 2013). June 21, 2013. https://adriennemareebrown.net/2013/06/21/emergence-speech-from-opening-for-allied-media-conference-2013/
  15. Sena, Nikita; Gennery, Naomi. World-building in a time of constant heartbreak. How Birmingham-basel organisation MAIA imagine routes to collective liberation. Shado Magazine. November 22, 2023. https://shado-mag.com/do/world-building-in-a-time-of-constant-heartbreak/
  16. Khazriz, Jessika. Heard at the Workshop Cartography of Darkness held at the CML. Basel, April 24 See https://dark.society.systems/
  17. Clark, John Lee. Against Access. McSWEENEY’S 64 THE AUDIO ISSUE. Last seen and printed on 15.03.24. https://audio.mcsweeneys.net/transcripts/against_access.html
  18. In conversation with friend~researcher~artist~architect~colleague~mentor Gabriela Aquije.
  19. Morrison, Romi Ron; Britton, Loren. How Can You Spell Care with Only 1s and 0s? Catalyst: Feminism, theory, technoscience. Oct 26, 2021. https://catalystjournal.org/index.php/catalyst/article/view/37643
  20. Chants learned and sung at the protest for a Free Palestine, against the genocide and stopping the War on Gaza. Basel, 2023&24.
  21. Butler, Octavia. From her Notebook. https://huntingtonlibrary.tumblr.com/post/139934364671/science-fiction-writer-octavia-butler-died-10
  22. Britton, Ren Loren; Pritchard, Helen V. For Careful Slugs: Caring for Unknowing in CS (Computer Science). Catalyst: Feminism, Theory, Technoscience. Published: Nov 7, 2022. https://catalystjournal.org/index.php/catalyst/article/view/37723#:~:text=Ren%20Loren%20Britton,Helen%20V.%20Pritchard
  23. Muñoz, José. Cruising Utopia: The Then and There of Queer Futurity. NYU Press. Copyright Date: 2009. https://www.jstor.org/stable/j.ctt9qg4nr
  24. Cohen, TL; Rault, Jas. Heard at the Lecture More than a Feeling: Heavy Processing Methods for Trans- Feminist and Queer Research. held at the CML. Basel, February 24. https://criticalmedialab.ch/more-than-a-feeling/
  25. Cowan, T.L.; Rault, Jas. Heavy Processing Part I — Lesbian Processing: Heavy Processing for Digital Materials (More Than A Feeling). Digital Research Ethics Collaboratory. Last seen on 17. June. 2024. https://www.drecollab.org/heavy-processing/
  26. Morning, Irene. The Polyamory Paradox: Finding your confidence in Consensual Non-Monogamy. Washington, DC, USA: Difference Press, 2022.
  27. Cowan, T.L. "GLITTERfesto: An Open Call in Trinity Formation for a Revolutionary Movement of Activist Performance Based on the Premise That Social Justice is Fabulous". University of Toronto Press. Spring 2012. https://vimeo.com/39577164
  28. Cluitmas, Laurie (ed.). On the Necessity of Gardening: An ABC of Art, Botany and Cultivation. Netherlands: Valiz, 2021. p. 160.
  29. Keeling, Kara. Queer Times, Black Futures. NYU Press. 2019. Quote from Prompts to Practice with in Infrastructural Interactions: Survival, Resistance and Radical Care, edited by Helen V Pritchard, and Femke Snelting. Brussels: The Institute for Technology In the Public Interest, 2022. http://titipi.org/pub/Infrastructural_Interactions.pdf
  30. In conversation with mentor~researcher~artist~writer~~~ Helen V. Pritchard.
  31. Oliveira, Roberto T.; Wainer, João. PIXO. São Paulo, 2010.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=skGyFowTzew&t=581s
  32. Songbe,Pérès. Tecnologia Ancestral Africana em Arquitecturas no Brasil. 6-11-2022.https://www.tiktok.com/@peres.songbe/video/7162706376223902982
  33. Kimmerer, Robin Wall. Braiding Sweetgrass: Indigenous Wisdom, Scientific Knowledge and the Teachings of Plants. Canada: Milkweed editions, 2013.
  34. Artistic Practices and methodologies by friend~researcher~artist~ceramicist~looper Rebeca Letras. Queted from their Site: https://rebecaletras.online/Bio.
  35. Morning, Irene. The Polyamory Paradox. Morning uses the term "Window of Tolerance" and I adapted it to "Web of Tolerace" to add the idea that you need to work on it, and that it anchors to many different points and that it can rip and make you feel insecure, and you can mend it and feel more secure.
  36. Fern, Jessica. Polywise: A Deeper Dive into Navigating Open Relationships. Australia, UK, USA: Scribe, 2023.
  37. Morning, Irene. The Polyamory Paradox. p.33
  38. Morning, Irene. The Polyamory Paradox: Finding your confidence in Consensual Non-Monogamy. Washington, DC, USA: Difference Press, 2022.
  39. Ticio Escobar , Suely Rolnik , Roberto Amigo, "Aura latente" conversado entre amigxs. Tinta Limón Ediciones. 6 de Mayo de 2021 https://tintalimon.com.ar/post/presentaci%C3%B3n-de-aura-latente/#contacto
  40. Carlos Pérez Cortés, Juan. 2022. Relationship Anarchy: Occupy Intimacy! https://theanarchistlibrary.org/library/juan-carlo-perez-cortez-relationship-anarchy..
  41. Morning, Irene. The Polyamory Paradox. p.22
  42. Britton, Ren Loren; Pritchard, Helen V. For Careful Slugs: Caring for Unknowing in CS (Computer Science). Catalyst: Feminism, Theory, Technoscience. Published: Nov 7, 2022. https://catalystjournal.org/index.php/catalyst/article/view/37723#:~:text=Ren%20Loren%20Britton,Helen%20V.%20Pritchard
  43. Millie and Nick https://www.instagram.com/decolonizing.love/?hl=en