Naniandfriends
Research Read Friendship ~ Permission 2 Scatter
FRIENDSHIPWEBs BETWEEN MY PRACTICES: crafting webss~systemss~structures
Materialized experiments through~with
I got what I need TOOLBELTS around my waist
Ceasefire Now! WEARABLE PROTESTBANNERS hanging off our clothes
supporting SPIDERSHIPS AND FRIENDWEBS reassuring me
KNITTING LETTERS 2 keep secrets
ENVELOPING QUESTIONS to open but not answer
knowing when I “see” it and not when I read it COILED/ WEBd WRITINGS to unlearn perfect writing, or to write for writing not for reading
BUBBLES AND GIGGLES to keep giggling; protected
OKAY to find my way backI`m still struggling to put this writing together,,,
This writing, it starts, middles and finishes with a lot of insecurity,
“It’s not good enough for a masters”
“what kind of knowledge am I unfolding (trying) here even”
This masterthesis will be shit and I will enjoy its shittiness thank you.
This is an experiment to feel secure within my insecurity,
Yes, I feel insecure;
Invitation to openly feel unsure, insecure, not confident.
Invitation to find confidence in confusion.
Maybe a lot of harm has been done by feeling too confident.1
This writing, comes with an acknowledgement that indeed you cannot separate your research from who you are,
and why does this make me cry?
Okay,
This writing has a collection of some new
vocabulary
word constellation
strategies
methodologies
I've learned~still trying to learn.
*Permission 2 take my thyme*
This writing will not make sense to me, perhaps it will to you
I'll be confused, before, during and after
With the exception of some moments of clarity,
(they are overrated)
that are enjoyed but don’t last too long.
My master thesis will guide you through the emotional landscape I encounter when having to deliver research. It’s, with permission, a failed* try to organize the chaos in my mind and in my~our space and our practices and our~my experiments.
But, with permission, is slowly*, with permission, turning into enjoying* the chaos
(why am I crying?again?), releasing the expectations that everything needs to make sense,
needs to fit somewhere, be concentrated, be coherent.
*Permission 2 Fail*
*Permission to enjoy the chaos*
*Permission to acknowledge and release expectations*
My master's is searching for life affirming infrastructures2 for doing research and being in Love with~through networks~rootsystems~care webs3~friendships~permissions~reminders~(nervous)systems~pleasure~tolerance~bubbles~and~giggles
that acknowledge and empower me~us with~through confusion~indecisiveness~insecurity ~discomfort,,,
Okay, this writing is for my bodymind4, for my future, for my lifetime, for my wellbeing and for the wellbeing of my~our~your bubble, the livability on my~your web using some tools of polyamorous decolonial teaching.
A “master thesis” may be delivered at a deadline (can we demilitarize the academic language?), but the research will not be done yet, or ever. This is why this Writing will be published in Wiki-to-Pdf5,
a tool imagined to produce “paginated, elastic, malleable and re-editable publications for printing and on-line reading”,
so I can keep the possibility of writing and editing as I (un)learn,
while making it available for my friends to join and
while saving pdf as I go - to archive what it has been.
I have this feeling it just started, but when I look back It has had many starts.
Somewhere it also started with wanting to work with friends
Which brings so much joy, excitement, and a feeling of doing valuable work
But I've also experienced/seen it turn into sadness, anger, resentment
And questioning the saying “Amigos Amigos, negócios à parte”6
Having to write this thesis (alone),
makes me miss my friends.
Because -I'm in the privileged position- of saying why would I ever want to do business with someone who is not (my) friend.
I guess every time I find a new tool, I feel prepared. I think I’m confusing “starting” with feeling prepared, or confident. And I have cried and questioned my way through this masters program. Never knowing what I was after. Am I finding a way a city girl (me) could become a farmer girl (maybe me)? Am I researching for a master's or am I having an existential question? How can I plan my pension? Have you giggled today? Are you feeling bubbly?7 And even through moments of frustration, I think how wonderful it is to be doing research in this academic bubble. How grateful I am to have been able to rehearse it in this place where my emotions are welcome, naps are welcome, questions are welcome, dramatization is welcome, exploration is welcome. Where there is a collection of soft and warm people holding a space together for me~us to live this out.
But what will happen once the bubble is burst?
*with Permission*
I'm thankful for the manes at Pedreira who have introduced me to anchors where I could knot a frame for my web~practice. They knotted auxiliary threads with me and gave me confidence to spiral a safety hub.
Anchoring to friends~comrades~mentors, texts~sounds, memes, walks, swims, GIGGLES,,, creates a stable web to move and find nurture on.
Some of these references I’m able to mention, others I seem to have lost the thread, either way I’d like to acknowledge our interconnected webs of (un)learning.
And take a moment to acknowledge all those who have and still worked on (embodied) knowledges that have been lessened, exploited, misunderstood, mocked, unpaid, unloved, surveilled, criminalized, silenced, never let into the academic space, marginalized, minoritized, racialized, incarcerated, killed
through lack of access to body~mind~planetary~climate health, education, transport, housing, wages, opportunity,
for their their (embodied) knowledges through gender, race, ethnicity, language, nationality, class, sexuality, (dis)ability, health.
One solution,
World Revolution!
I'm writing this on a mac computer owned by the school. The structures that maintain Switzerland, the country I'm writing this in, onto such privilege are the same that keep the global south exploited. All while Switzerland together with the rest of Europe, is closing their borders more and more, and people trying to leave these exploitative conditions looking for safer spaces are left to die outside these borders.
Brick by Brick,
Wall by Wall,
make the Fortress Europe Fall!8
This writing is being written, while the world is weeping, the hearts, bodies, (agri)cultures, climates, there are multiple Genocides and ecocides being done and some of them being even live streamed: Sudan, Congo, Haiti, Myanmar and Palestine, and others we might not be aware of. The carpet bombing of Gaza and its children has been going on for the seventh eighth consecutive month, and still there is an ongoing narrative, that justifies Israels crimes, atrocities. A similar narrative to the one I grew up hearing sitting on my kitchen table and in the classrooms, a narrative that justified the crimes committed by the Portuguese in and between Africa and South America. Crimes and atrocities as old as 500 years, that have not yet been accounted for.
Hey Hey, Ho Ho,
the occupation has got to go!
We have been Protesting Since the start of the latest, most extreme genocidal bombing campaign.
Free, Free Palestine,
Free Free Gaza,
Viva Viva Palestina!
In shock with how the world can go on while witnessing a live streamed genocide, students and workers all over the World have organized University mass protests, demands, occupations, encampments. These manifestations of solidarity show the students and staff's dedication to education through, with and beyond the academy.
From Basel to Gaza, Student Intifada!
Unfortunately, some universities leaderships~administrations (example uni basel) , seem to be unable to recognize this. Instead of respecting their students~clients~workers~researchers~brains~hearts~souls giving them the access to the education they demand and desire and doing their best to divest from the military-industrial complex, these “leaderships” decide to call the police. The police shows up to peaceful protestors fully geared up, their bodies are protected, anonymized, they have vans, dogs, they are armed with rubber bullets, batons, tear gas, water canons, they have the right to intimidate, to be violent, to hurt, to damage, to arrest and to take in data from the protestors.
This leaves me feeling extremely disgusted.
Redet uns den Scheiss nicht ein,
Polizei das muss nicht sein!
Unsere Strassen unser Rhein,
lass das kontrolieren sein!
From the River to the Sea,
Palestine will be Free,
From the Sea to the River,
Palestine will live forever!
1,2,3,4
The occpuation has got to go
5,6,7,8
Israhell is a terrorist state
In our hundreds
In our millions
We are all palestinians!
Research is in Solidarity
solidarity is values
solidarity is fractal9
„(...)is what we practice on small scale affects
what emerges in larger systems and structures“10
Research read friendship
Research is preparing snack and drinks
Research is vulnerable
Research is support
Research in becoming
Research is reactive
Research is collecting
“Research as a place to process emotions”8
Research is accessing
Research is strategies
Research is emergent11
Research is concurrent12
Research is Rehearsing13
Research is juicy, thrilling, abundant,
Research is sensemaking
Sensemaking is noticing
very ordinary things that hold a lot of potential.
And that can be instructive for recognizing a desire for how we might want to live or be together,
That's not always allowable in the present”15
this is research
Research is instructions
Research is waking up in the middle of the night
Research is following resonance
Research is feeling connected
Research is commitment
Research is holding Space for me
Research is Dramatic17
Research is Suspenseful18
Research changed my handwriting
Research submits
Research shares
Research is weapon
Research is strategy
Research is as careful slug19
Research is resourcing
Research is needs
Research is pleasures
Research is poly
Research is with permission
Research is (self-)compassion
Research is Rootful
Research is Rhizomatic
(...)
It is composed not of units but of dimensions,
or rather directions in motion.
It has neither beginning nor end,
but always a middle milieu from which it grows and which it overspills.
(...)
A rhizome has no beginning nor end; it is always in the middle, between things.
Interbeing,
(...)”22
Research is Radicant
Research is contemplative and contemplates
Research is explorative and explores
Research is multiplying and multiplies
Research is questioning
Where are you coming from?
What are you heading for?
These are totally useless questions.
Making a clean state,
starting or beginning again from ground zero,
seeking a beginning or a foundation-
all imply a false conception of voyage and movement (...)”24
Research is in tides,
between knowledge and ignorance,
between tension and relief.
Tools~Permission~Reminders~Encryptions
Strengthening the security Web of Tolerance 🕸️
Secrets and loss of text
Okay unconclusion
Instructions: Mini Protest Banners
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Heading text
“Freedom is not a secret.It’s a practice.” Alexis Pauline Gumbs