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| == '''Research <sub>Read Friendship</sub>''' ~ '''Permission 2 Scatter''' ==
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| '''<sup>FRIENDSHIP</sup>WEB<sup>s</sup> BETWEEN MY PRACTICE<sup>S</sup>: crafting webs<sup>s</sup>~systems<sup>s~</sup>structure<sup>s</sup>'''
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| <div style="text-align:right;">'''Materialized ''heavy'' processing'''
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| '''Materialized experiments through~with'''
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| </div>
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| <div style="text-align:center;">
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| <sup>I got what I need</sup> TOOLBELTS <sub>around my waist</sub>
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| <sup>Ceasefire Now!</sup> WEARABLE PROTESTBANNERS <sub>hanging off our clothes</sub>
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| <sup>supporting</sup> SPIDERSHIPS AND FRIENDWEBS <sub>reassuring me</sub>
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| KNITTING LETTERS <sub>2 keep secrets</sub>
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| ENVELOPING QUESTIONS <sub>to open but not answer</sub>
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| <sup>knowing when I “see” it and not when I read it</sup> COILED/ WEBd WRITINGS <sub>to unlearn perfect writing, or to write for writing</sub> <sup>not for reading</sup>
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| [[File:Bulle_Gif_Rose.gif|frameless]] BUBBLES AND GIGGLES <sub>to keep giggling; protected</sub>
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| OKAY <sub>to find my way back</sub> </div>'''<big>I`m still struggling to put this writing together,,,</big>'''<div style="text-align:center;">'''MAYBE'''
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| '''Scattered is how it will make sense to me'''
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| </div>
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| <div style="text-align:right;">'''But there are deliverables and deadlines''' </div>
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| <div style="text-align:center;">'''So I'll have to manage a way to scatter together in this document.''' </div>
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| <div style="text-align:right;">
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| ==== '''Why do i get angry lol.''' ====
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| </div>
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| <p>This writing, it starts, middles and finishes with a lot of insecurity,
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| <div style="text-align:right;">“I don't know enough”
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| “It’s not good enough for a masters”
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| “what kind of knowledge am I unfolding (trying) here even” </div>
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| <div style="text-align:right;">Sabine smiles: ''“Du hast kein recht dich selber zu kritisieren”'' </div></p>This is an experiment to feel secure within my insecurity, Yes, I feel insecure; <div style="text-align:center;">Invitation to openly feel unsure, insecure, not confident.
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| Invitation to find confidence in confusion. </div>
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| <div style="text-align:right;">Maybe a lot of harm has been done by feeling too confident.<ref name=":8" /> </div> </p>
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| <p>This writing, comes with an acknowledgement that indeed you cannot separate your research from who you are,
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| <div style="text-align:right;">
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| ===== and why does this make me cry? =====
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| </div> </p>
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| <p>Okay,
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| This writing has a collection of some new
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| <div style="text-align:center;">vocabulary
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| word constellation
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| strategies
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| methodologies </div>
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| <div style="text-align:right;">I've learned~still trying to learn.
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| <nowiki>*</nowiki>Permission 2 take my thyme* </div>
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| This writing will not make sense to me, perhaps it will to you
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| <div style="text-align:center;">I'll be confused, before, during and after </div>
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| <div style="text-align:right;">With the exception of some moments of clarity,
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| (they are overrated)
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| that are enjoyed but don’t last too long. </div> </p>
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| <p> My master thesis will guide you through the emotional landscape I encounter when having to deliver research. It’s, with permission, a failed* try to organize the chaos in my mind and in my~our space and our practices and our~my experiments.
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| But, with permission, is slowly*, with permission, turning into enjoying* the chaos
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| <div style="text-align:right;">(why am I crying?again?), releasing the expectations that everything needs to make sense,
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| needs to fit somewhere, be concentrated, be coherent.
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| <nowiki>*</nowiki>Permission 2 Fail*<ref>[[File:Permission to fail in love.png|thumb|Screen Print of encryption I made using FreeHand.]]
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| </ref>
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| <nowiki>*</nowiki>Permission to enjoy the chaos*
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| <nowiki>*</nowiki>Permission to acknowledge and release expectations* </div> </p>
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| <p> My master's is searching for ''life affirming infrastructures''<ref>Berlant, Lauren. 2016. “The Commons: Infrastructures for Troubling Times*.” ''Environment and Planning. D, Society and Space/Environment and Planning. D, Society & Space'' 34 (3): 393–419. <nowiki>https://doi.org/10.1177/0263775816645989</nowiki>.</ref> for doing research and being in Love with~through networks~rootsystems~care webs<ref>Piepzna-Samarasinha, Leah Lakshmi. 2018. ''Care Work: Dreaming Disability Justice''. Edited by Lisa Factora-Borchers. Arsenal Pulp Press. <nowiki>https://thatmightberight.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/reading-III.pdf</nowiki>.</ref>~friendships~permissions~reminders~(nervous)systems~pleasure~tolerance~bubbles~and~giggles
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| that acknowledge and empower me~us with~through confusion~indecisiveness~insecurity ~discomfort,,, </p>
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| Okay, this writing is for my bodymind<ref>Term used in disability studies , i found it here https://catalystjournal.org/index.php/catalyst/article/view/37643/28637</ref>, for my future, for my lifetime, for my wellbeing and for the wellbeing of my~our~your bubble, the livability on my~your web using some tools of polyamorous de~anticolonial teaching.
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| <p> A “master thesis” may be delivered at a deadline (can we demilitarize the academic language? ), but the research will not be done yet, or ever. This is why this Writing will be published in [[Wiki-to-pdf|Wiki-to-Pdf]], </p>
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| a tool imagined to produce “paginated, elastic, malleable and re-editable publications for printing and on-line reading”, </p>
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| so I can keep the possibility of writing and editing as I (un)learn,
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| while making it available for my friends to join and
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| while saving pdf as I go - to archive what it has been. </p>
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| <p> I have this feeling it just started, but when I look back It has had many starts. <p>
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| <p> <div style="text-align:right;">Somewhere it also started with wanting to work with friends
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| Which brings so much joy, excitement, and a feeling of doing valuable work
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| But I've also experienced/seen it turn into sadness, anger, resentment
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| And questioning the saying “''Amigos Amigos, negócios à parte''”<ref>Portuguese saying meaning something like: "friends [are] friends and business is seperate"</ref> </div> </p>
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| <p> <div style="text-align:center;">Having to write this thesis (alone),
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| ====== makes me miss my friends. ======
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| </div></p>
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| <p> Because -I'm in the privileged position- of saying why would I ever want to do business with someone who is not (my) friend. </p>
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| <p> I guess every time I find a new tool, I feel prepared. I think I’m confusing “starting” with feeling prepared, or confident. And I have cried and questioned my way through this masters program. Never knowing what I was after. ''Am I finding a way a city girl (me) could become a farmer girl (maybe me)? Am I researching for a master's or am I having an existential question? How can I plan my pension? Have you giggled today? Are you feeling bubbly? How do I plan my retirement?'' <ref>Some questions I had during and worked with during the Masters Programm</ref> And even through moments of frustration, I think how wonderful it is to be doing research in ''this'' academic bubble. How grateful I am to have been able to rehearse it in this place where my emotions are welcome, naps are welcome, questions are welcome, dramatization is welcome, exploration is welcome. Where there is a collection of soft and warm people holding a space together for me~us to live this out.</p>
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| <div style="text-align:right;">But what will happen once the bubble is burst? </div>
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| <div style="text-align:center;"><nowiki>*</nowiki>with Permission* </div>
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| <p> I'm thankful for the manes at Pedreira who have introduced me to anchors where I could knot a frame for my web~practice. They knotted auxiliary threads with me and gave me confidence to spiral a safety hub. </p>
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| <p> Anchoring to friends~comrades~mentors, texts~sounds, memes, walks, swims, GIGGLES,,, creates a stable web to move and find nurture on. </p>
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| <p> Some of these references I’m able to mention, others I seem to have lost the thread, either way I’d like to acknowledge our interconnected webs of (un)learning. </p>
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| <p> And take a moment to acknowledge all those who have and still worked on (embodied) knowledges that have been lessened, exploited, misunderstood, mocked, unpaid, unloved, surveilled, criminalized, silenced, never let into the academic space, marginalized, minoritized, racialized, incarcerated, killed </p><p> through lack of access to body~mind~planetary~climate health, education, transport, housing, wages, opportunity, </p>
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| <p> for their (embodied) knowledges through gender, race, ethnicity, language, nationality, class, sexuality, (dis)ability, health. </p>
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| <p></p>
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| <div style="text-align:center;">''One solution,'' <p>''World Revolution!''<ref name=":0">Chants learned and sung at the protest for a Free Palestine, against the genocide and stopping the War on Gaza. Basel, 2023&24.</ref>
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| </p><p></p> </div><p> I'm writing this on a mac computer owned by the school. The structures that maintain Switzerland, the country I'm writing this in, onto such privilege are the same that keep the global south exploited. All while Switzerland together with the rest of Europe, is closing their borders more and more, and people trying to leave these exploitative conditions looking for safer spaces are left to die outside these borders. </p><p> </p>
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| <div style="text-align:center;"><p>''Brick by Brick,'' </p> ''Wall by Wall,'' <p>''make the Fortress Europe Fall!''<ref>[[File:Chants (collected) by Sans-Papier-Kollectiv.jpg|thumb]]
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| Chants learned and sung at the protest organized by the ''Sans Papier Kollektiv''. Protest against racism, police brutality and for the right to stay for people without papers. Basel, 2024.</ref></p><p></p> </div>
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| <p> This writing is being written, while the world is weeping, the hearts, bodies, (agri)cultures, climates, there are multiple Genocides and ecocides being done and some of them being even live streamed: Sudan, Congo, Haiti, Myanmar and Palestine, and others we might not be aware of. The carpet bombing of Gaza and its children has been going on for the <s>seventh</s> <s>eighth</s> ninth consecutive month, and still there is an ongoing narrative, that justifies Israels crimes, atrocities. A similar narrative to the one I grew up hearing sitting on my kitchen table and in the classrooms, a narrative that justified the crimes committed by the Portuguese in and between Africa and South America. Crimes and atrocities as old as 500 years, that have not yet been accounted for.</p><p></p><div style="text-align:center;">''Hey Hey, Ho Ho,'' <p>''the occupation has got to go!''<ref>Chants learned and sung at the protest for a Free Palestine, against the genocide and stopping the War on Gaza. Brussels, 2023.</ref> </p><p> </p><p> </p></div>
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| === '''We have been Protesting''' ===
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| Since the start of the latest, most extreme genocidal bombing campaign.<p> </p>
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| <div style="text-align:center;">''Free, Free Palestine,''<p>''Free Free Gaza,'' </p>
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| <p>''Viva Viva Palestina!''<ref>Chants learned and sung at the protest for a Free Palestine, against the genocide and stopping the War on Gaza. Basel, 2023&24.</ref> <p> </div>
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| <p> In shock with how the world can go on while witnessing a live streamed genocide, students and workers all over the World have organized University mass protests, demands, occupations, encampments. These manifestations of solidarity show the students and staff's dedication to education through, with and beyond the academy. </p>
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| <p></p>
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| <div style="text-align:center;">''From Basel to Gaza, Student Intifada!''<ref>Chants learned and sung at the Student Occupation at the University of Basel for a Free Palestine, against the genocide and the Universities/ Switzerlands complicity and stopping the War on Gaza. Basel, 2024.</ref><br /> </div><p> Unfortunately, some universities leaderships~administrations (example uni basel) , seem to be unable to recognize this. Instead of respecting their students~clients~workers~researchers~brains~hearts~souls giving them the access to the education they demand and desire and doing their best to divest from the military-industrial complex, these “leaderships” decide to call the police. The police shows up to peaceful protestors fully geared up, their bodies are protected, anonymized, they have vans, dogs, they are armed with rubber bullets, batons, tear gas, water canons, they have the right to intimidate, to be violent, to hurt, to damage, to arrest and to take in data from the protestors. </p>
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| <p> This leaves me feeling extremely disgusted. </p>
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| <div style="text-align:center;">''Redet uns den Scheiss nicht ein,''
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| ''Polizei das muss nicht sein!''
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| ''Unsere Strassen unser Rhein,''
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| ''lass das kontrolieren sein!''<ref>Chants learned and sung at the protest organized by the ''Sans Papier Kollektiv''. Protest against racism, police brutality and for the right to stay for people without papers. Basel, 2024.</ref>
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| ''From the River to the Sea,''
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| ''Palestine will be Free,''
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| ''From the Sea to the River,''
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| ''Palestine will live forever!''<ref name=":9">Chants learned and sung at the protest for a Free Palestine, against the genocide and stopping the War on Gaza. Basel, Bern, Zurich, Brussels, London 2023 &24.</ref>
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| ''1,2,3,4''
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| ''The occpuation has got to go''
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| ''5,6,7,8''
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| ''Israhell is a terrorist state''
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| ''In our hundreds''
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| ''In our millions''
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| ''We are all palestinians!''<ref>Chants learned and sung at the protest for a Free Palestine, against the genocide and stopping the War on Gaza. London, 2023.</ref> </div></p>
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| <p>Research is in Solidarity </p>
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| <p><div style="text-align:center;">solidarity is values<p>solidarity is ''fractal'' <ref name=":1">Brown, Adrienne Meree. ''Emergence (speech from opening for allied media conference 2013).'' June 21, 2013. https://adriennemareebrown.net/2013/06/21/emergence-speech-from-opening-for-allied-media-conference-2013/</ref> </div></p>
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| <p><div style="text-align:right;">„(...)
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| ''is what we practice on small scale affects''<p>
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| ''what emerges in larger systems and structures“''<ref>Sena, Nikita; Gennery, Naomi. World-building in a time of constant heartbreak. How Birmingham-basel organisation MAIA imagine routes to collective liberation. Shado Magazine. November 22, 2023. https://shado-mag.com/do/world-building-in-a-time-of-constant-heartbreak/</ref> </p></div>
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| <div style="text-align:center;">
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| <big><sub>'''Everytime you see'''</sub>''' Research <sup>read friendship'''</big>
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| </div>
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| Research is preparing snack and drinks
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| Research is vulnerable
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| Research is support
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| Research is becoming
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| Research is reactive
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| Research is collecting
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| ==== ''“Research as a place to process emotions”''<ref name=":2">Khazriz, Jessika. Heard at the Workshop ''Cartography of Darkness'' held at the CML. Basel, April 24</ref> ====
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| <div style="text-align:center;">
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| ''“What feels Beautiful?”''<ref name=":3">Clark, John Lee. ''Against Access.'' McSWEENEY’S 64 THE AUDIO ISSUE. Last seen and printed on 15.03.24. https://audio.mcsweeneys.net/transcripts/against_access.html</ref>
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| </div>
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| <div style="text-align:right;">Research is ''protactile''<ref name=":3" />
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| Research is navigating turbulent landscapes
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| </div>
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| Research is accessing
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| Research is strategies
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| Research is emergent<ref name=":1" />
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| Research is concurrent<ref name=":2" />
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| Research is Rehearsing<ref name=":4">In conversation with friend~researcher~artist~architect~collegue~mentor Gabriela Aquije.</ref>
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| Research is juicy, thrilling, abundant,
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| <div style="text-align:right;">Anxious </div>
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| <div style="text-align:center;">Research is holding Complexities<ref name=":4" /> </div>
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| Research is sensemaking<ref>I lost the thread...</ref>
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| Sensemaking is noticing
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| <div style="text-align:center;">Noticing
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| ''“is about giving a lot of attention to small [(inner)children],''
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| ''very ordinary things that hold a lot of potential.''
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| ''And that can be instructive for recognizing a desire for how we might want to live or be together,''
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| ''That's not always allowable in the present”''<ref>Morrison, Romi Ron; Britton, Loren. ''How Can You Spell Care with Only 1s and 0s?'' Catalyst: Feminism, theory, technoscience. Oct 26, 2021. https://catalystjournal.org/index.php/catalyst/article/view/37643
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| </ref>
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| this is research </div>
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| <div style="text-align:right;">''Nous sommes tous des enfants de Gaza!''<ref name=":9" /> </div>
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| Research is ~<sub>connecting</sub>
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| Research is instructions
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| <div style="text-align:right;"> Research is revolution
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| Research is world building
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| </div>
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| <div style="text-align:center;">Research has got speed bumps
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| Research gives you goosebumps
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| </div>
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| <div style="text-align:right;">Research is triggering
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| Research is activating
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| </div>
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| Research is waking up in the middle of the night
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| Research is following resonance
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| Research is feeling connected
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| Research is commitment
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| Research is holding Space for me
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| <div style="text-align:right;">For you
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| Research as Kinship<ref>TiTiPi. ''Research as kinship''. This page was last edited on 9 November 2022, at 12:55. [[Conversations]]</ref>
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| </div>
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| Research is Dramatic<ref name=":5">[[File:Octavia Butler notes.jpg|thumb]]
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| Butler, Octavia. From her Notebook. https://huntingtonlibrary.tumblr.com/post/139934364671/science-fiction-writer-octavia-butler-died-10</ref>
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| Research is Suspenseful<ref name=":5" />
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| Research changed my handwriting
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| Research submits
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| Research shares
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| <div style="text-align:right;">Research is kleptocratic<ref name=":2" />
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| Research is weapon
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| Research is strategy </div>
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| <div style="text-align:center;">Research makes me sick to my stomach </div>
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| <div style="text-align:right;">''Hoch die Internationale Solidarität!''<ref name=":0" /> </div>
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| Research is as a ''careful slug''<ref name=":10">Britton, Ren Loren; Pritchard, Helen V. ''For Careful Slugs: Caring for Unknowing in CS (Computer Science)''. Catalyst: Feminism, Theory, Technoscience. Published: Nov 7, 2022. https://catalystjournal.org/index.php/catalyst/article/view/37723#:~:text=Ren%20Loren%20Britton,Helen%20V.%20Pritchard</ref>
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| <div style="text-align:right;">Research is accountability </div>
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| Research is resourcing
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| <div style="text-align:right;">Research is repair </div>
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| Research is needs
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| <div style="text-align:right;">Research is desire<ref>Muñoz, José. ''Cruising Utopia: The Then and There of Queer Futurity.'' NYU Press. Copyright Date: 2009. https://www.jstor.org/stable/j.ctt9qg4nr</ref> </div>
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| <div style="text-align:center;">Research is ''heavy processing with nips and naps''<ref>Cohen, TL; Rault, Jas. Heard at the Lecture ''More than a Feeling: Heavy Processing Methods for Trans- Feminist and Queer Research.'' held at the CML. Basel, February 24. https://criticalmedialab.ch/more-than-a-feeling/</ref> ''“(…) (Heavy) process is product.''
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| ''Process generates knowledge and it allows us to understand our own place within and beyond the research we are doing.''
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| ''Process is a form of experimentation, it is a method, it is a way of learning, of gathering, and sharing information, of knowing.''
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| ''(…) /processing/ as an orientation to the pleasure (sexual, emotional, political, intellectual)''
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| ''of complex and sometimes incommensurate information.”''
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| ''“(…)/+/ being transformed by that information.”''<ref>Cowan, T.L.; Rault, Jas. ''Heavy Processing Part I — Lesbian Processing: Heavy Processing for Digital Materials (More Than A Feeling).'' Digital Research Ethics Collaboratory. Last seen on 17. June. 2024. https://www.drecollab.org/heavy-processing/</ref> </div>
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| <div style="text-align:right;">Research is in community
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| Research needs Reminders
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| </div>
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| Research is pleasures
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| Research is poly
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| Research is with permission
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| Research is (self-)compassion
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| <div style="text-align:right;">Permission and love is embracing pleasure
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| Research is ''Glimmering''<ref name=":6">Morning, Irene. ''The Polyamory Paradox: Finding your confidence in Consensual Non-Monogamy.'' Washington, DC, USA: Difference Press, 2022. </ref></div><div style="text-align:center;"></div>
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| <div style="text-align:right;">Adapting, translating, negotiating </div>
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| Research is contemplative and contemplates
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| Research is explorative and explores
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| Research is multiplying and multiplies
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| Research is questioning
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|
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| <div style="text-align:center;">questioning is holding on tight
| |
| questioning is letting go
| |
| </div>
| |
|
| |
| <div style="text-align:right;">questioning is paradox? </div>
| |
|
| |
| <div style="text-align:center;">''“Where are you going?''
| |
|
| |
| ''Where are you coming from?''
| |
|
| |
| ''What are you heading for?''
| |
|
| |
| ''These are totally useless questions.''
| |
|
| |
| ''Making a clean state,''
| |
|
| |
| ''starting or beginning again from ground zero,''
| |
|
| |
| ''seeking a beginning or a foundation-''
| |
|
| |
| ''all imply a false conception of voyage and movement (...)”''<ref name=":7">Cluitmas, Laurie (ed.). ''On the Necessity of Gardening: An ABC of Art, Botany and Cultivation.'' Netherlands: Valiz, 2021. p. 160.</ref> </div>
| |
|
| |
|
| |
| <div style="text-align:right;">Lol ups,</div>
| |
|
| |
| <div style="text-align:center;">here I am trying to find a beginning, middle and end to my master thesis </div>
| |
|
| |
|
| |
| <div style="text-align:right;">''Reminds me of Helens Refrain to hold on to:''
| |
| '''''beginnings that happen in the middle of things'''”''<ref>[[File:Workshop wit Helen.png|thumb|Quotes curated By Helen, Yellow A4 with Black letters, The quotes are written in 3 colums, the idea is to fold the paper in 3.]]
| |
| Keeling, Kara. ''Queer Times, Black Futures.'' NYU Press. 2019. Quote through Helen V. Pritchard. </ref>
| |
| </div>
| |
|
| |
|
| |
| <div style="text-align:center;">When there is none. What a Relief. </div>
| |
|
| |
| Research is in tides,
| |
|
| |
| <div style="text-align:center;">ebbs and flows,
| |
|
| |
| between knowledge and ignorance,
| |
|
| |
| between tension and relief.
| |
|
| |
| </div>
| |
| <div style="text-align:right;">
| |
| Research, I'm still finding out
| |
|
| |
| Research, I find out as I go </div>
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
| <p> Maybe, I keep some things, to myself, secrets, because they are a bit embarrassing and cringe and because they are important to me, because they are mine, a part of me and my vulnerabilities, I don’t want to show them to the world in a round and polished way, because to round and polish them, is to take away its depths and ''flatten''<ref name=":8"><nowiki>In conversation with mentor~researcher~artist~writer~~~ Helen V. Pritchard.</nowiki></ref> them. </p>
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
| There are things I am too embarrassed to show<p>Until I feel comfortable enough to let it out </p>
| |
| <div style="text-align:center;"><p>Look what I made, </p>
| |
| <p>There is something I’ve written, </p>
| |
| <p>Look there is a T and an A and a K and an E </p>
| |
| <p>and a B and a R and there is an E and another A, a K and the S. <ref>[[File:Take Breaks Web.png|thumb|A Screenshot from the 3D scan of a Ceramic piece I coiled: web with encrypted text. ]]
| |
| </ref></p>
| |
| <p>It's a reminder for myself, </p>
| |
| <p>I feel embarrassed that I feel disconnectedness towards the needs of by body and need a </p>
| |
| <p>reminder, </p> </div>
| |
|
| |
| <div style="text-align:right;">''I know what you mean,''
| |
|
| |
| ''I don’t think it’s ridiculous at all.''
| |
|
| |
| ''I would also need a reminder.'' </div>
| |
|
| |
| My friends give me reassurance,
| |
|
| |
| My friends are my success,
| |
|
| |
| My friends are my safety,
| |
|
| |
| <div style="text-align:right;">My friends hold me accountable, </div>
| |
|
| |
|
| |
| The moments when friends share ideas are precious,
| |
|
| |
| The things I work on start making sense when I share it with friends.
| |
|
| |
| Friends see and bring to reality so much that I didn't notice,
| |
|
| |
| Friends share with me their imaginaries,
| |
|
| |
| <div style="text-align:right;">Enriching mine. </div>
| |
|
| |
| <div style="text-align:center;">
| |
| I wouldn't be here without my friends.
| |
| </div>
| |
|
| |
| ===== When I'm feeling down and uncertain, =====
| |
| <div style="text-align:right;">Friends empower me, soothe me and bring me back to a stabler reality. </div>
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
| I hate writing
| |
|
| |
| <div style="text-align:right;">My writing was never praised at school </div>
| |
|
| |
| I love making
| |
|
| |
| <div style="text-align:right;">''Nani has such gifted hands'' </div>
| |
|
| |
| I’m scared of writing
| |
|
| |
| <div style="text-align:right;">What if its not good enough?
| |
|
| |
|
| |
| What if no one understands what i want to express? </div>
| |
|
| |
| For my masters I will have to write
| |
|
| |
| <div style="text-align:right;">I have ''thyme''</div>
| |
|
| |
| I’m a slow reader
| |
|
| |
| <div style="text-align:right;">And I get stuck to the 60 second videos on my phone </div>
| |
|
| |
| I love making
| |
|
| |
| Let me procrastinate by making writing
| |
|
| |
| <div style="text-align:center;">I make words with the materials I love touching </div>
| |
|
| |
| <div style="text-align:right;">The act of writing is like the act of making
| |
|
| |
|
| |
| Helen gave me permission to write in a way I feel good doing it </div>
| |
|
| |
| I love making
| |
|
| |
| I love writing
| |
|
| |
| <div style="text-align:right;">I feel so good after writing </div>
| |
|
| |
| <div style="text-align:center;">And my friends seem to understand it
| |
|
| |
| and to enjoy it
| |
|
| |
| '''Reassurances'''
| |
| </div><div style="text-align:right;">
| |
| '''Insecurities'''
| |
|
| |
| Related to what teachers thought of my writings
| |
|
| |
| Because I knew I was bound to deliver a thesis made up of words
| |
|
| |
| Making writing: a way to start writing while procrastinating on drafting a thesis.
| |
|
| |
| <small>I had been (re)activated to work with letters and fonts and words, experimenting</small>
| |
| </div>
| |
| writing through and adapting the writing to different materials and technologies, leading to a change in my practice~caligraphy.
| |
|
| |
|
| |
| Letters~Fonts~Encrypted Expression
| |
| <p>
| |
| The ''Pixo'' is a type of tagging evolved in the Periphery of Sao Paulo,</p> <p>
| |
| I was introduced to it by a partner. </p>
| |
|
| |
| The letters are inspired by anglo-saxon runes alphabet aka ''Futhorc'' that came to Brasil through punk and heavy metal culture.
| |
|
| |
| <p>
| |
| I got to know a little bit more about it through the documentary<ref>Oliveira, Roberto T.; Wainer, João. ''PIXO''. São Paulo, 2010.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=skGyFowTzew&t=581s</ref> by João Wainer and Roberto T. Oliveira from 2010. </p>
| |
|
| |
| <p>
| |
| ''Pixo'', is a way for marginalised people to express themselves. </p>
| |
|
| |
| <div style="text-align:right;">Its predominantly cis-male dominated.</div>
| |
|
| |
| <p> Someone unnamed in the documentary shares with us he never learned how to read in school. Growing up on the Street he only learned to read ''Pixo''.<ref>[[File:Pixo Documentary Snapshot.png|thumb|Its a screenshot from the Youtube page of the documentary. There Is a young cic-man, wearing a blue cap with white ''Pixo'' letters on it. He is wearing a black shirt and a yellow Top on top. He stand in front of a painted brick wall. At the top you can see the bare, orange bricks and underneath you can read parts of a text in (what he calls) "straight letters" (not pico) "...um novo, um novo chegou" . There is an over lap of subtitles. in portuguese it says: "Eu passei oiro anos na escola, oitava serie" over it in english it says: "but those letters I dont understand, y'know. I just reas "pixo".]]
| |
| </ref></p>
| |
|
| |
|
| |
| <p> Suddenly, I started to see these ''pixo''~letters~messages~negotiation~networks, due to increasing immigration, popping up in my routes in Europe, trying to decode them, acknowledging that impossibility. </p>
| |
|
| |
| === A journey, ===
| |
| <div style="text-align:center;">From paper and pen,
| |
|
| |
| to spray can and wall
| |
|
| |
| to thread and knitting machine coding,
| |
|
| |
| to welding (weld writing) on metal,
| |
|
| |
| to coiling ceramics,
| |
|
| |
| to acrylic on denim''','''
| |
|
| |
| to encrypt in spider nets,
| |
|
| |
| to 3D programming and 3D printing
| |
|
| |
| to thesis. </div>
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
| Intelligence~Symbols~Reminders
| |
|
| |
| Lost on Instagram reels,
| |
|
| |
| I found a precious video<ref>[[File:Screenshot from Songbes TikTok Video.png|thumb|Its a screenshot from the Video I write about. Songbe is at the bottom half of the picture wearing a printed yellow shirt from west african tradition. The subtitles say" em varias caracteristicas arquitectonicas". On the top half there is two images of the metal gates he mentions, and that I have seen all over my routes in europe. The quality of the Image is worse than the original screenshot. ]]
| |
| Songbe,Pérès. Tecnologia Ancestral Africana em Arquitecturas no Brasil. 6-11-2022.https://www.tiktok.com/@peres.songbe/video/7162706376223902982</ref> by the researcher~architect Peres Songbe, titled ''Tecnologias Ancestrais Africanas''. Songbe is a Master on African influences on Brazilian Architecture. Through his video and research he introduced me and others to '''Adinkra''', an ancestral African alphabet from Ghana that express african ''stories, philosophies codes of conduct, social norms, traditional values, proverbs e muito mais''. These symbols serve as knowledge transfers crafted on fabrics, ceramics, metal gates ''e muito mais''. '''Sankofa''' is one of these symbols~words~intelligence~philosophy~wisdom. It reminds its readers to learn and evolve by looking back. Growing up in Portugal, I have seen it all over my routes in Europe, especially on metal gates, ignorant to its powers.
| |
|
| |
| Now it reminds me of whose hands~intelligence~knowledge~technology has shaped Brazil, Portugal, Europe; how knowledge is passed through stories, materials, objects,; and how necessary to keep reminding ourselves of what we think we already know.
| |
|
| |
|
| |
| Silently~unacknowledged the gates shaped my routes: acknowledged ~ they make me stop, read, remember and share it with who I'm routing with.
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
| Wisdom 2 be reminded;
| |
|
| |
| Words~permissions~reminders
| |
|
| |
| <div style="text-align:right;">Knitted, coiled in stoneware, 3D printed in PLA, Acrylic on Denim </div>
| |
|
| |
| accompany my thesis~insecurity.
| |
|
| |
| <div style="text-align:right;">They are the materialization of the research<sup>read friendship</sup> I have followed inside of Irene Mornings ''“The Polyamory Paradox: Finding Your Confidence in Consensual Non-Monogamy,”'' </div>
| |
|
| |
|
| |
| Finding your confidence,
| |
|
| |
| <div style="text-align:right;">In insecurity.
| |
| A paradox.
| |
| </div>
| |
|
| |
| Morning equips me~reader with tools to regulate~sooth the body~nervous system, alone and in (non)human company: centering the body to support the mind. Tools to use as auxiliary threads to strengthen the security on my~our~your web.
| |
|
| |
|
| |
| Starting by giving ourselves permission for (un)learning
| |
|
| |
| <div style="text-align:center;">''To go slow''<ref>[[File:Go slow.png|thumb|Various coiled letters, per, per, p, e, go, go, slow, go slow, goslow. Laying on a painted paper, ready to dry.]]
| |
| </ref>
| |
|
| |
| ''To trust yourself''<ref>[[File:To trust yourself.jpg|thumb|A coiled encrypted text, burnt ceramics, looking like baked bread.]]
| |
| </ref>
| |
|
| |
| ''To take breaks''
| |
|
| |
| ''To fuck up'' </div>
| |
|
| |
|
| |
| <div style="text-align:right;">Permissions, that need reminders. </div>
| |
|
| |
|
| |
| Irene Morning, gave permission;
| |
|
| |
| <p> Robin Wall Kimmerer teaches how to ask for Permission them using the lessons from T''he Honorable'' H''arvest''<ref>Kimmerer, Robin Wall. ''Braiding Sweetgrass: Indigenous Wisdom, Scientific Knowledge and the Teachings of Plants.'' Canada: Milkweed editions, 2013. </ref> ; </p>
| |
|
| |
| <p> Helen gave me the confidence to extend the permissions for my artistic~practice~research; </p>
| |
|
| |
| <div style="text-align:right;">
| |
| ==== I made myself reminders. ====
| |
| </div>
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
| <p>I read the book in the school's ceramic studio, while underlining, re-writing parts into a word document and, when overwhelmed or tired of reading, I would start coiling, materializing the books permissions into clay.<ref>[[File:My workspace coiling and writing.jpg|thumb|A picture of the table I was working on in the schools ceramic studio. There is the copy of polyamory paradox with a freshly coiled web on it. There is my computer where im writing passages from the book into, with the burnt coiled encrypted "trust"on it, the "yourself" is laying next to it. There is a frshly brewed cup of tea. There is a freshly coiled spiral and questionmark laying on a damp towel. There is my notebook where i wrote myself a "permission to fall in love" but turned into a "PErmission to fail in love". underneath is is a drawing of a spidernet, with little ants walking around it. ]]
| |
| </ref> </p>
| |
|
| |
|
| |
| The touch of Clay bringing me back to my senses.
| |
|
| |
| My hands.
| |
|
| |
| Material: Stoneware
| |
|
| |
| The words in the book stirr me up, why is it so hard ''to trust myself''?
| |
|
| |
| <div style="text-align:right;">I trust my friends. </div>
| |
|
| |
| Why do I need permission?
| |
|
| |
| <div style="text-align:right;">Frustration. </div>
| |
|
| |
| <div style="text-align:center;">I get lost </div>
| |
|
| |
|
| |
| Method: rolling, coiling, looping, feeling letters,
| |
|
| |
| <div style="text-align:center;">materializing words, visualizing ''to trust yourself''
| |
|
| |
| ''to find my way back.'' </div>
| |
|
| |
| <div style="text-align:right;">I found my way back, </div>
| |
|
| |
| <div style="text-align:center;">There is a Reminder: burnt at 1250*C</div>
| |
|
| |
| <div style="text-align:right;">I burnt them in the oven because I could not burn them into my body. </div>
| |
|
| |
| <div style="text-align:center;">I placed into a corner of my space.
| |
|
| |
| And like a spidernet that reminds me to clean my room,
| |
|
| |
| it reminds me of the possibility~paradox of staying safe within insecurity. </div>
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
| <p> Focusing on my Body communicating~feeling~getting to know a material~technique~sequence calms me down~ </p>
| |
|
| |
| ''Looping;''
| |
|
| |
| <p> ''“(...) explor(ing) the loop as a process of revolutionary creation through the accumulation of repeated circuits, fosters the potential of the individual and collective energetic encounter as a possibility to achieve political questioning, altered states of consciousness and new queer immateriality(ies)”.'' <ref>Artistic Practices and methodologies by friend~researcher~artist~ceramicist~looper Rebeca Letras. Queted from their Site: https://rebecaletras.online/Bio. </ref>
| |
|
| |
| ==== A certain repetition makes my nervous system feel safe, inside my ''web of tolerance''<ref>Morning, Irene. The Polyamory Paradox. Morning uses the term "Window of Tolerance" and I adapted it to "Web of Tolerace" to add the idea that you need to work on it, and that it anchors to many different points and that it can rip and make you feel insecure, and you can mend it and feel more secure.</ref>, ====
| |
| able to take in the information with empathy~curiosity~compassion,
| |
|
| |
| surrendering to a new interpretation of our frustration~stress~threat,
| |
|
| |
| <div style="text-align:center;">accessing a new ''paradigmshift'' <ref>Fern, Jessica. ''Polywise: A Deeper Dive into Navigating Open Relationships.'' Australia, UK, USA: Scribe, 2023.</ref>''“When we are in our <s>window</s>(Web) of tolerance,''
| |
|
| |
| ''we are able to engage the aspects of our physiology''
| |
|
| |
| ''that create connection and intimacy with other people (...)''
| |
|
| |
| ''Listening,''
| |
|
| |
| ''Steady and calm tone of voice,''
| |
|
| |
| ''Eye contact,''
| |
|
| |
| ''Pleasurable physical contact.''
| |
|
| |
| ''(...) (giving) us access to emotions like''
| |
|
| |
| ''empathy,''
| |
|
| |
| ''curiosity,''
| |
|
| |
| ''and compassion.''”<ref>Morning, Irene. ''The Polyamory Paradox''. p.33</ref> </div>
| |
|
| |
|
| |
| Through unlearning, with the help of friends, mentors and memes, I feel like my tolerance for being uncertain has gotten better, I even felt confident enough to make it into a master thesis.
| |
|
| |
| <div style="text-align:right;">A ''deadline'' is getting closer
| |
| Again, please let us demilitarize the academic language,
| |
| its stressing me out, making me act in weird ways,
| |
| The ways I'm trying to unlearn!
| |
| It's making me think this is the most important thing out there,
| |
| making me forget about my friends.
| |
| <nowiki>:</nowiki>(<br />
| |
| Stress starts, and the questioning of my research~value gets louder, the insecurity gets activated. Luckily my friend Reina del Mar is here. Shes listening and with her steady calm tone of voice she '''reassures''' me that there is value.
| |
| </div>
| |
|
| |
|
| |
| This research<sub>read friendships</sub> is having to remind yourself constantly, of permissions, of reassurance, because as soon as the stress kicks in, I seem to forget.
| |
|
| |
|
| |
| Acknowledging how the body~nervoussystem~organs, react to when it's losing its sense of security.
| |
|
| |
| Acknowledging how the web of tolerance can shift our sense of security:
| |
|
| |
| Depending on our ability to metabolize stress and the stress~pressure levels we are dealing with; our coping mechanism; the resources we have to digest the signals from the body; our sense of connection at that moment; how life experiences have conditioned us; how much we rested and how much we hydrated and nurtured ourselves; how our body is functioning nervoussystem~heartrate~digestivesystem<ref name=":6" />;;;
| |
| <div style="text-align:right;">I~we will feel more or less capable~confident~secure~tolerant ~open </div>
| |
|
| |
|
| |
| <div style="text-align:center;">What strengthens your web of tolerance?
| |
|
| |
| Have you securely knotted the web into place?
| |
| Have you tended to the knots you have made?
| |
|
| |
| Did an anchor rip during the windy night?
| |
|
| |
| Don't worry there is many knots holding you secure, it just shifted a bit.
| |
|
| |
| </div>'''<big>How to build~strengthen your web:</big>'''
| |
|
| |
| === <small>Throw your ''Hilo'',</small> ===
| |
| study the vibration coming back, is this anchor you have thrown secure enough?<ref>Ticio Escobar , Suely Rolnik , Roberto Amigo, ''"Aura latente" conversado entre amigxs.'' Tinta Limón Ediciones. 6 de Mayo de 2021<nowiki/>https://tintalimon.com.ar/post/presentaci%C3%B3n-de-aura-latente/#contacto</ref>
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
| Your anchor points is your internal world ~ your (non) human friends ~ the spaces you love to inhabit, to join these point you can use anchor
| |
|
| |
| threads~relationships~connections~routes;
| |
|
| |
|
| |
| Use your anchors and knot frames~collectives~practices~systems
| |
|
| |
| In the middle of your web, find a stable middle and spiral~knot a safety hub~a center for resting and feeling secure.
| |
|
| |
|
| |
| From there use your auxilary threads~permissions~reassurances~reminders and spiral~knot your web for secure movement and nurture.
| |
|
| |
|
| |
| The web is for you and who you want to share it with,
| |
|
| |
| find a route to be present together,
| |
|
| |
| share your resources<ref>Carlos Pérez Cortés, Juan. 2022. ''Relationship Anarchy: Occupy Intimacy!'' [https://theanarchistlibrary.org/library/juan-carlo-perez-cortez-relationship-anarchy. https://theanarchistlibrary.org/library/juan-carlo-perez-cortez-relationship-anarchy.].</ref>,
| |
|
| |
| join on the web to find ways to write~make together, experiment with materials~typographies~codes~encryptions,
| |
|
| |
| Research together,
| |
|
| |
| Nap together,
| |
|
| |
| Rehearse accessibility and tolerance together,
| |
|
| |
| Organize to protest together,
| |
|
| |
| make~wear your protest banners together~apart;
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
| '''INSTRUCTIONS for making mini Protest Banners'''
| |
|
| |
| ==== Material List: ====
| |
| * Fabric Scraps : I use preloved Denim
| |
| * Acrylic Paint: I like White on Denim- good contrast is recommended for better readability ~ experimenting with different contrasts and therefore different levels of encryption could also be of interest
| |
| * Paint Brush: size and hard~softness depends of what you want to work on, do some tryouts! Get to know your brush and let the brush get to know you.
| |
| * remind yourself of gathered words, acronyms, chants, symbols you feel connected to
| |
|
| |
|
| |
| Prepare Space and Time:
| |
|
| |
| * Find a comfy space, where you can spread your fabric scarps
| |
| * make yourself a hydrating beverage
| |
| * Prepare a glass with water where you can leave your brush to not dry when taking breaks
| |
| * Set yourself a reminder to drink and to take that break
| |
|
| |
|
| |
| Paint:
| |
|
| |
| * Maybe you feel more comfortable starting with writing with the pencil
| |
| * <nowiki>Take your brush and paint and start ~~~~ take as long as you need ~ until satisfied or tired </nowiki>
| |
| * For extra durability, lay a piece of baking paper on your dry paint and go over it with a hot iron
| |
|
| |
|
| |
| Surprise Effect: Protest Banner Roll Down
| |
|
| |
| * Get a binder clip and attach the top of the banner to it using glue/ safety pin/ ...
| |
| * Roll the banner up and clip it secure
| |
| * When the time is right just open the clip and let it roll down
| |
| [[File:ProtestBanner making Workshop 8M.jpg|none|thumb|Picture of a Table,There are the Flyers for the Counter Cloud Gathering Event on the 8M where the workshop was held together with a Radio Show, at the Food Culture(s) Lab in BAsel, With Titipi. there are Various Jeans Scraps with Writing on it, the say "Ceasfire now!", "Protest" and "Clouds Kill", there is a zine laying It says "Resistance Kolonierna.SE", A Sticker that says "Genozid? Nein Danke" with an unhappy sun, and a book titeles "Land concentration, land grabbing and peoples struggles in Europe".]]
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| [[File:ProtestBanner making Workshop 8M 2.jpg|thumb|Picture of a Table, for the Counter Cloud Gathering Event on the 8M where the workshop was held together with a Radio Show, at the Food Culture(s) Lab in Basel, With Titipi. There are Various Jeans Scraps with Protest Text on it,there is paints, brushes,zines and Books laying around. At the end of the Table there is the Radio set up.|center]]
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| <div style="text-align:center;">
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| === Okay, is finding your way back ===
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| Okay </div>
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| Okay, to get lost
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| Okay, is finding a way back
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| <div style="text-align:center;">''We get lost and triggered''<ref>Morning, Irene. The Polyamory Paradox. p.22</ref><ref>[[File:We trust and we lost.png|thumb|The Quote made in Graphiz. https://graphviz.org/]]
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| </ref> </div>
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| <div style="text-align:right;">We get lost and activated
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| We get lost and stirred </div>
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| We get lost and percipitated <sub>a cause</sub> <sub>typically one that is undesirable:</sub>
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| <sub>to happen suddenly, unexpectedly, or prematurely</sub>
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| <div style="text-align:center;">We get lost and prompt <sub>being ready and quick to act as occasion demands:</sub>
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| <sub>performed readily or immediately</sub>
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| We get lost and set off
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| We get lost and provoked
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| We get lost and frozen </div>
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| <div style="text-align:right;">We get lost and generated to find our way back
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| We get lost and motioned in circles trying to find our way back
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| We get lost and activated and we are responsible to find our way back
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| And I have reminders to help with that </div>
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| We get lost and trust to find our way back.<ref>[[File:We get lost oh so lost.png|thumb|The quote, with more words/options to get lost. Made with <nowiki>https://graphviz.org/</nowiki>]]
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| </ref>
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| <div style="text-align:center;">=== '''Okay<sup>unconclusion</sup>'''<ref name=":10" /> === </div>
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| So what's my research question?
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| Again
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| How the research I've been doing
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| On being with, attempting to make, reading about: Spiderwebs
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| Has informed me on Friendships~Love
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| Has made me want to web a (security) net
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| A net that is knotted on various humans, non-human, quotes, permissions, techniques, landscapes, tools,
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| Various ones,
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| And then i imagine that if there is a string that for whatever reason, breaks
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| There are a few more that will hold the net in place
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| It might sway a bit harder when there is a wind coming through
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| And in the middle of things this is what Polyamory is also about
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| It acknowledges that we are social beings, made of attachments and attachments are beautiful
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| And it acknowledges our window of tolerance and our survival strategies
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| And Jessica Fern and Irene Morning and on IG @decolonizing.love<ref>Millie and Nick https://www.instagram.com/decolonizing.love/?hl=en</ref> and so many more have been tooling us up with how to deal with these intense feelings
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| <div style="text-align:right;">And Justin had painted them beautiful </div>
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| And these tools are so valuable
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| Not just for polyamorous people
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| Also for people who love, who work together, who do research, who are living on a damaged planet
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| Tools to regulate the nervous system,
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| For people who feel the need to regulate their nervous system,
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| For people with a nervous system
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| And then I feel ridiculous because I§ swear if i had learned that in kindergarten, wow,
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| And i feel like I could! I feel like it would have made so much sense to me
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| And now here I am feeling the need to make a masters out of it
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| <div style="text-align:center;">Okay </div>
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| This masters programm has expanded my view on Research and Love and I would love to keep navigating, integrating, processing, embodying,
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| <div style="text-align:center;">with ''permission'' </div>
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| finding joy, pleasure, connection and transformation.
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| <div style="text-align:center;">Okay </div>
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| Back to the tools
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| They are here for us to use
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| But we forget them in times of need
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| Thats why we need reminders and taking breaks
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| <div style="text-align:center;">Okay </div>
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| Also this Masters
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| Has been so much about unlearning all these design methods cause in their quest to repair and resolve they do applauded damage
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| So I don't strive for fruitful work
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| I strive for Rootful work
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| <div style="text-align:center;">What connects to the knots? </div>
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| Now having these tools
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| I feel like i can go out of academia, and i feel a little bit better equipped to work with my friends
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| Because working with friends is so beautiful and can bring such sweet fruits
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| But I've also experienced some rotten fruits, broken connections, a lot of distrust so sad
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| I ask myself how we want to work together
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| When we get annoyed by each other<ref name=":1" />
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| And i tell you
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| Go have a nap
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| Our togetherness is equal to our separateness*** where did i see this?
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| {| class="wikitable"
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| |+Table of
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| |}
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| <blockquote>''“Freedom is not a secret.It’s a practice.” Alexis Pauline Gumbs''</blockquote>
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| <references />
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